The Struggle Within
by chewiewookie
Summary: Tahira is General Leia's first in command, but she falls into the hands of Kylo Ren as Rey and Finn manage to escape. She will start questioning what's wrong and right when she's put to the test to see how far she'll go for those she cares about. Nothing in the galaxy could have prepared her for him, and he always gets what he wants. Almost. AU. SPOILERS. Kylo Ren/OC.
1. When Guilt Strikes

**Author's** **note:** **Hello! I've seen the movie yesterday, and it pleased me greatly to see that it did justice to the saga. Of course, there were parts I didn't really like, but no movie is perfect. I considered using Rey as I saw some potential between Kylo Ren and her, but what I had in mind didn't really suit Rey's personality and it would make her OOC from what I've seen in the movie. Actually, I'm hoping she is indeed Luke's daughter as it would add more to this story. Needless to say, this contains spoilers, but I doubt anyone at this point is clicking on stories here without having seen the movie (but I could be wrong) so… SPOILERS! This is set at the end of the movie after Kylo faces Rey and Finn, so it will be AU, but I just couldn't wait 2 more years without exploring this.**

 **Also** **, I would like to have a Beta Reader as English is not my native language, so please PM me if you're interested**

 **PS: This chapter has been mildly edited thanks to some grammatical mistakes. Thank you, MynameisntAslan for pointing these things out!**

 **PS2: This chapter has been thoroughly revised by SpyderByte (my lovely Beta) making it more polished and readable!**

* * *

 **The** **Struggle Within**

Chapter One - When Guilt Strikes

* * *

The screams and laser sounds reverberated through her consciousness like a knife, startling her from her thoughts at once. Her head spun and her heart thudded hard as she realized the awful truth.

He was dead.

Han Solo was dead.

Tahira grabbed her blaster with inhuman strength, releasing all of her frustration on the object as she stood still. Chewbacca had made it clear: she was to return to the Millennium Falcon so that they could search for Rey and Finn, who had gone missing. She had been foolish enough to leave the ship, in fear that something might happen and she wouldn't be there to be of any use. Which was exactly what had happened.

She didn't need to be told who had killed him. Han Solo wouldn't be easily put to death unless his heart was in the way. She had warned General Leia of how dangerous their son was, and that it'd be best to perform a clean death rather than let him continue with his tantrum all over the galaxy. But Leia Organa was more than a leader. She was a mother with a broken heart, and Tahira couldn't blame her when she asked Han Solo to try to get him back.

Tahira had not long ago completed her nineteenth anniversary. Her usual straight brown hair was wrapped up in a bun for all the convenience of not having long strands in the way when the situation called for a more agile approach. The atmosphere was chilling and far from whatever she had experienced before, resulting in her poor choice of attire, which mainly lacked a furry jacket to help her petite body endure this climate. Even so, the stress she was going through had managed to keep her warm. Well, mostly.

She placed the blaster in the holster wrapped around her right thigh so she could rub her gloved hands together, trying to collect herself over what had happened.

Tahira's worst fears had come true. Kylo Ren killed his own father. She hadn't seen it and was mildly relieved she hadn't or he'd be a dead man by now. Her mission was to accompany Rey, Finn, Han Solo, and Chewbacca to ensure they were safe, but Han Solo made her promise she would not enter the Starkiller base unless he told her so. So much for doing her job properly.

She looked at the sky in a daze as the sunlight grew dimmer by the minute. It wouldn't take long for it to be completely gone, which meant the Starkiller weapon would be fully recharged and ready to be used.

Deciding that standing still as her feet sunk into the snow was not doing any good, Tahira started running as fast as she could, paying special attention to the tracking device on her wrist that showed her the location of the Falcon.

More screams and explosions filled the ambience around her as she dove deep into a forest. The ship wasn't far away. She could see the dot that represented it was moving, which meant Chewbacca was probably on board.

She could feel the scorching wind cut deep through her skin as she ran past the innumerous trees that flanked her. It was then that she heard a sound that drew near with every step she took. It was not an X-wing, or even the Falcon. Treading with caution, she hid behind a massive pine tree as a black shuttle landed a few meters away from where she stood.

Shivers ran down her spine, as she immediately knew who it belonged to. The air around the ship swirled violently as it finally touched the snowy surface. A few moments later, the door finally opened, allowing a man in a uniform to descend from the platform with two stormtroopers behind him.

He wasn't who she expected. From where she stood, it was hard to make out who he was, but there was no doubt he was someone important, as his attire was definitely more refined than most she had seen. He pointed somewhere in the distance, and the two troopers immediately vanished.

Tahira felt the ground beneath her shake. It was a warning that she had lingered there for too long. However, she wouldn't go without killing this man. She promptly grabbed her blaster with both hands, aiming for his back. Another quake almost threw her off balance, but she steadied herself by kneeling with one knee.

The blaster was positioned perfectly at his head. It would be a quick death. More than these animals deserved, but she was in no position to demand more. The gloved finger on the trigger tightened lightly until the two troopers came into sight once again.

And they weren't alone. Both flanked a robbed figure that excused any introductions. Both his arms were over their shoulder for support. She also managed to realize he was without his mask for the first time. The picture she had seen of him before didn't do him much justice. He had had shorter hair and softer features, and his once pleasant face was now that of a man who had been forced to grow too much in a short amount of time.

Kylo Ren.

He looked pretty debilitated and she could definitely identify a long scar on the right side of his face. Had Rey and Finn done that to him? She had little time to be impressed, as the ground shook more violently than before. She hoped with all her heart that the Resistance had managed to exploit this base's weakness and finally destroy it.

Trying her best to keep her balance, Tahira lifted her blaster one last time, only this time, she was aiming at _him_ , the man that had brought so much pain to those who loved him, and that she now cared for dearly. General Leia had found her when she was nothing but a young girl in a forgotten planet that was being assaulted by The First Order. Her family had been killed at the command of their Generals. Knowing that Kylo Ren was the son of Leia had shocked her initially, especially knowing that he was a part of that heartless organization.

That had been five years ago. She had more reasons than most to want him dead. She had never met him before in person, only saw some drawings and portraits General Leia insisted on keeping. He was much younger then. Not as vile and twisted as he was now.

But it didn't matter. His treacherous act on his uncle Luke and his downfall to the Dark Side had managed to separate Han Solo and General Leia as they carried on with their lives, full of regret and pain. They had taken Tahira in and sheltered her when no one else would. She could still remember the smell of burning corpses as her village was being destroyed. She never got to say goodbye to her parents and her little sister, Jana.

The First Order had taken that from her, and since he was one of their most ruthless members, she despised him for that. His parents had given her a reason to carry on with this life, but he was persistent and kept murdering innocent people for no reason. Han Solo had been his latest victim.

The shaking ground was making it almost impossible to keep a steady aim as Kylo Ren prepared to board the ship on his own now. She was going to miss her shot if she wasn't quick enough.

 _It's for your family. For General Leia. For Han Solo. For the Resistance,_ she kept saying in her head.

He was now on the platform, ready to enter the shuttle.

 _Come on, Tahira. Do it!_

The moment was lost now. Cracks started forming on the ground as the shaking continued. The Resistance must have fired the last blow. This horrific station would explode in minutes. It was in that moment that her tracking device started beeping loudly. Chewbacca was looking for her.

After a few seconds, she managed to silence the device and hoped no one boarding that shuttle had heard it. She had to leave now or else she'd implode along with the remnants of The First Order.

She shot one last glance at the black shuttle, seeing that the platform was still extended. Shouldn't they be leaving now? Were all of them inside? With no more time to think, she lowered her blaster and hurried through the trees once more, looking over her shoulder every three paces and nearly colliding with a tree in that process. There was a loud sound of from an explosion not far from where she was that made all of her insides jolt in fear -the fear that she would not reach the Falcon in time.

Even though the ground beneath her was pretty much unstable, she had to stop for a moment to catch her breath and understand where the Falcon really was. The device began beeping again as the wookie tried once again to contact her.

She pressed a little button on the side. "Chewie, I-"

Before she could finish the sentence, a pair of dark eyes met hers, and they were the last things she saw before everything went black.

* * *

Tahira managed to lift her heavy and painful head from a hard bench. Or it could have been a bed. Was it metal? The cold hardness below her cheek for the last hour screamed yes, in a most ungentle way.

Her loud groan echoed off the metal walls around her, bouncing back to mock her pain. She didn't even dare open her eyes, afraid of what she might encounter. But pain was good. It meant she was still alive, which… confused her. Why wasn't she dead?

"What…"

Tahira's stomach hitched as waves of nausea crawled through her, but she wouldn't be sick. _No, I won't be sick in here, even though I don't know where I am_. Lying back down on her back, the coolness of the hard, rough surface was almost a relief as she held the sore side of her head to it. The chill went right through her attire. Fighting hard to keep the throb in her head at bay, she breathed slowly, fighting in vain to convince her insides that this was not the time to lose it.

She finally dared to open her dark brown eyes and found herself staring right into a very bland metal ceiling, only decorated with two rows of strong lights that stung her eyes. Reflexively, she shut them once more and repeated the previous process until she could once again gaze anywhere without the light burning through her pupils.

A quick look around made her realize she was probably inside an interrogatory room, and from the buzzing sound, she guessed she was aboard a ship. Much to her contempt, she was alone. The room was vacant and very clean, devoid of anything that could be used as a weapon in her hands.

Speaking of which…

Lifting her hands up, she realized her gloves and tracking device were missing, exposing her elbow-length bandages that gently wrapped around every finger. With some effort, she took the pieces of cloth around her slender fingers and unwrapped them one at a time. Her left forearm had a nasty cut just below her wrist. She needed to examine it.

It appeared to have been made by a knife or some sharp object and it was a clean cut, not longer than one inch. It was easily healable, unless it had poison in it. She doubted it. It was bleeding mildly, meaning it was slightly fresh.

The position she was in became uncomfortable and her shoulders ached with the strain from having been so long on her right side. She was indeed lying on metal bed-like object. But, she didn't have much longer to dwell on it as footsteps drew near to the gray metal door in front of her. Almost as if it were expected, her heart sped up on cue as a shadow loomed at the crease of light under that metal barrier between her, and most likely, painful death.

With one swift movement, the door parted in the middle, revealing Kylo Ren. His long black vest swayed with his movements as he approached until he was a few meters away from her. He remained unmasked, but now, under those bright lights, she was able to see the extent of his injuries. His face was stained with a very bad looking scar that went from his lower right cheek to the corner of his right eye; the tissue covering his left shoulder had been burned, or so it seemed. But what really made her eyes widen in surprise was the trail of blood that followed him and seemed to come from under the vest.

As caution had taught her over the years, she promptly sat upright in an alert position, expecting him to behead her with his infamous weapon.

He was incredibly tall, and, in all honesty, the redness in his eyes gave her the impression he was about to cry. Her previous fear never came true, seeing that he merely sat on a bench, wincing slightly at the pain he was definitely feeling.

For what seemed like hours, there was nothing making a sound in the room but her rapid breathing, and she was positive her heartbeat was audible as well. Her heart pounded heavily against her rib cage and she felt the arteries on her neck throb in equal rhythm.

But this wasn't happening because Tahira was afraid. This was something else entirely . The coldness from the surface she had been in contact with quickly vanished as something unknown to her was building ferociously.

"I can feel your hatred." His voice was low and strong, but vaguely shaken by his best efforts to counter the pain.

This truly surprised her. His dark eyes were fixed on hers and there was no visible expression on his face now. Tahira noticed a puddle of blood collecting on the floor by his left leg. Whenever he moved, the stream of blood increased significantly. He didn't seem to notice this or even care.

Seeing that she was not remarking his statement, he spoke again. "Who are you?"

At this point, she refused to look into his eyes. They had a tint of Han Solo in them. Again, she refused to give him the satisfaction of answering him.

"Who are _you_?" He pressed once more, leaning towards to rest his arms on his legs, but the motion was enough to gain a hiss from him.

Tahira was pleased to see him suffer like this. It calmed her anger in a very soothing way. But she was smart, and knew he was able to perceive her emotions even in such a condition.

This time, a sly smile tugged on the corner of his mouth. He seemed… pleased. "It satisfies you greatly to see me like this. You're definitely from the Resistance, are you not?"

She nodded, refusing to speak any words to him.

"There's something else about you."

General Leia had told her much of the Jedi way, but also a lot about the Dark Side. He was with no doubt taunting her. Drawing out her worst emotions. It made him stronger. It gave him a purpose.

Then she felt something tug inside her head and a wave of coldness ran down her spine. He was trying to get inside her head. One of his many traits and he excelled at that. She wanted to resist, but didn't know how. Kylo Ren extended his right arm, flexing his covered fingers and the grip inside her head tightened.

"Tahira," He said in a low voice. Hearing him say her name made her cringe in disgust. "You truly hate me. And that is because…" he now shut his eyes, concentrating on her mind. "… _we_ have killed your family."

This time, she wanted to scream. Tell him to stop. The grip only tightened as he perceived the effect he was having on her. After a sting of excruciating pain, he stopped.

"Leia Organa."

Tahira was on the brink of tears, but she had been taught better than this. She fought back the tears, still avoiding his eyes.

"You are close to Leia Organa." This wasn't a question, and she was sure his voice faltered for a split second. "How… _interesting._ "

All her efforts were futile as her anger flared inside her with more strength than ever. "You killed your own father!"

"My father?" He actually laughed at that. "I have no father, but I can see that he was to you what he wasn't to me."

She resisted the urge to punch him right in the face, and her hands that were so vehemently gripping the bed even twitched at the idea of breaking his face in half.

"You're a monster."

The pool of blood on the floor was widening at an alarming rate. He also became aware of this by following her gaze and then pressing his lower left abdomen, hissing again. He was losing too much blood.

Apart from assuring General Leia had the best protection imaginable, Tahira was also trained in medicine, often tending to injured pilots. There was something unsettling about seeing him like this. He was draining right in front of her eyes, and Tahira loathed the idea of even feeling bad for him.

What had he done to deserve sympathy? He was a murderous traitor that betrayed his own family for the sole purpose of following the footsteps of Darth Vader, his grandfather.

More silence fell between them as she watched color slowly leave his face that was now covered in sweat. She knew the symptoms of hypovolemic shock all too well. She had seen members of the Resistance die after an encounter with The First Order.

But she had also saved many from death. She knew how to put a stop to that.

But did she have the guts to save this monster from the death he surely deserved? He was fading fast before her eyes. She didn't need to examine him to know how fast his heart was beating; how dizzy he was feeling; how his pulse weakened more and more.

The medic in her told her to see him as anyone else. To help him. But on the other end, his death would end a spree of terror that had lasted for far too long.

Before she could decide on what to actually do, the door swung open once more. A redhead man walked inside with a very unpleasant expression on his face. That was the man she had seen earlier and all too well known to the Resistance as General Hux.

He then looked at Kylo Ren. "What's the matter with him?"

"He's dying." She shrugged, poison filling every word. _The monster is dying_. Then she threw the punch line: "I could save him as I am a medic, but I'd rather see him die."

Tahira expected to see alarm or worry on his face or him to pull a blaster on her, but he didn't seem the slightest concerned. "Well, that's a shame. The Supreme Leader will finally be rid of him."

This utterly confused her now. He was willing to let him die? Were there no robot-medics onboard?

"Well, I guess this is your lucky day, rebel scum," He proceeded to talk to her now, completely ignoring the whimpering man not far from him. "You get to see Kylo Ren die before your eyes."

He made a valid point, yes. Her heart accelerated at the thought of willingly letting someone bleed to death while she cheered and cried tears of joy.

"Don't worry, he won't last long, by the looks of it," He mocked with a sly smile on his face. "I don't even know why he hasn't killed you yet. So unlike him."

And then the door was opened once more as a trooper approached General Hux, whispering something to him. She saw his eyes widen in shock, and he left the room, immediately followed by the trooper.

Tahira was left alone with him again. Struggling to figure out the right thing to do. She prided herself for always maintaining a calm state of mind when everything else around her was falling apart, but to say she was panicking was an understatement.

She finally stood up and paced toward him, kneeling before his curved figure. It was not too late. His lips hadn't gone blue yet, and he was still conscious even if only barely. His breathing was shallow as expected, and that vest wasn't helping with.

" _I'm doing this because there's still good in him, Tahira. Not because he's my son, but because I believe in him. There's still light in him."_

General Leia's words echoed through her head and constantly on replay. Her inner struggle grew by the minute, but she knew the longer she took to do anything, the more chance he'd have to lose consciousness and die.

He then leaned his body forward and she knew he was close to fainting. She immediately prevented him from falling limp on the floor. The moment she felt his head fall on her shoulder was the moment the braveness Tahira had shown thus far wavered and tears rolled down her cheeks.

Her arms hugged his body closely to hers as a mixture of rage and pain filled her. The man responsible for so many deaths was dying in her arms, but there was a small part inside her that urged her to save his life.

 _He might spare yours if you do. You might be able to make a deal with him and return to General Leia_ , a shy voice inside her head advised.

She was close to sobbing now when she felt him faintly grip the shirt she had on. He mumbled something she couldn't understand. He was close to losing it. The blood coming from his abdomen was tainting her clothes and she felt the warm liquid spread down her pants.

The door slid open and General Hux halted in shock. His light eyes fixed on her blurry ones as he stated with an aggravated tone. "The hyperdrive is damaged, we cannot save him as we are not close to any planet and can't make the jump to light-speed."

Her eyes closed and she screamed inwardly, so strongly she was afraid her lungs would collapse. The implication of his statement was not subtle. She had to save him. Why was he so worried he might die all of a sudden? And why did the hyperdrive have to be broken?

"Put him in there." She pointed to the cold metal bed. One trooper promptly did as commanded and approached them, grabbing Kylo Ren who kept gripping her shirt with such strength.

He eventually let go and was placed on the bed.

"Do you have a medical kit? I need to restore his liquids and oxygen," She tried her best to ignore the huge bloodstain on her pants as she knelt by his side. "I could also use a device to monitor his heart."

She then glanced at the General who seemed lost in words. Now he was terrified. "I'll see what I can find… just… save him!"

Even these small shuttles must have the essentials for her to at least stabilize him until they got to a more specialized medical unit. She also needed one of his veins punctured before they collapsed from the lack of fluids.

Not long after, he returned with a big box in his hands. "We don't have that heart monitor thing, but this should suffice for the time being. The hyperdrive is being repaired. Save him. If he dies, you die too."

It was a threat, that much was clear. There was still no guarantee she wouldn't still be killed if she miraculously managed to prevent his death. This was a shot in a dark and Tahira knew the odds were against her.

Then Han Solo's voice came inside her head, _"Never tell me the odds!"_

She was no longer crying as she rummaged through the box, trying to find the equipment she needed. She needed that vein first. She grabbed a catheter and an intravenous bag. To make things even worse, he had his arms fully wrapped in black bandages, and she didn't have the time to unwrap them patiently, so she picked a scissor and cut through one on his right arm and hoped he had decent veins at this point. His skin was pale, and she searched for his radial artery on his wrist to check his pulse.

It was still weak and it was taking longer for the artery to fill. Rapidly, she scanned his arm for a decent vein and found one. Without hesitating, she punctured it, obtaining no reaction from him. He was still conscious, but not enough to oppose to what she was doing to him. As the blood filled the flask chamber on the catheter she knew she had been successful. The IV fluids were soon flowing inside his body.

Another look inside the box and she found no oxygen flask to help, so she could only wait for them to repair the hyperdrive in time or he'd die.

And she'd also die.

It was now time to check his wound. At this point, the lower part of his vest was drenched in blood, and she searched for gloves but didn't find any. She'd have to do this old school style, apparently.

Grabbing the black cloth strip wrapped around his waist, she positioned the scissors so that she could cut through it. After that, she proceeded to cut the rest of the cloth in the way.

The lower part of his abdomen was now completely bare, and Tahira held her breath as she finally saw the wound causing all the blood loss. It wasn't larger than three inches and she knew exactly what had caused this.

Chewbacca's bowcaster. Its firepower was much greater than that of an average blaster, causing much more damage. She grabbed some sterile cloth from the box to compress the wound.

She wasn't going to lie to herself and say it looked promising. It didn't. There was no way to know if it hadn't hit a major organ and it seemed extremely ironic that Chewbacca might actually be the cause of her death, in case she wasn't able to stabilize Kylo Ren.

His blood started to soak the piece of cloth in no time, and it didn't take long for her own hands to be covered in it as well. This environment was in no way adequate for this, as his wound could easily get infected.

The pressure on his abdomen eventually gathered a few hisses from him, making Tahira focus her attention on his face for a while. This was hardly the face of a killer. He looked truly inoffensive on the surface, and she was relieved to see that he was still conscious, but she needed to ensure that things would stay that way which meant she'd need to talk to him for that to happen.

Never loosening the pressure on the wound, Tahira put aside all the grudge she had against him and tried to see him as just any other patient.

"You have to stay conscious," She wouldn't usually say things like this, as this puts some pressure on the patient, but she didn't know how to properly talk to him without sounding phony. It was best to only resort to this if things got ugly, so she allowed herself to relax a bit.

There was no way she could stop the hemorrhage without the proper medication and equipment. The wound didn't seem too deep, but maybe that was her optimistic side talking. If that were the case, she could try to stitch it.

He seemed more active now and that was certainly a good sign. It didn't take him long to try to get her hands to leave his body. It was clear he didn't like to be touched, or maybe it was because he knew she was an enemy, and the idea of having her see him in such a vulnerable position made him struggle to get rid of her.

"Stop it," Tahira snarled when he suddenly gripped her right wrist with such strength that caught her by surprise. "I'm helping you."

He lessened the grip, but didn't let go of her. Instead, he fixed his half-closed eyes on her. "Why?"

Yes, why? Another good question. Maybe because it was no longer a choice. General Hux had made it clear that if he died she would also die. Hadn't he heard that?

"Stop talking," She decided to reply as he released her wrist. "You're wasting valuable energy."

That seemed to be enough to shut him for a while as she tossed the drenched cloth to the side and rapidly placed a clean one on the wound again. She had to at least try and search for a stitching kit inside the box. With her left hand on his wound, she dove the other one into the box in search for what she needed. However, she could only find glue, which would only be a temporary solution to a greater problem.

 _This will have to do. I'll add more pressure if needed. You can do this,_ Tahira gave herself a pep talk while she applied the glue on the borders of the wound with one hand making sure they touched each other so that this procedure could be as effective as possible.

After a few minutes pressing the borders together, the glue finally dried. There was still some blood dripping from the bottom, but overall it seemed she managed to control it for the time being.

Sweat rolled down her temple, which she promptly wiped on the back of her hand. She eventually sunk on her knees by his side, reaching out for his pulse once more. He flinched at her touch, but didn't resist it. It was not as strong as she had hoped, but she lacked a lot of equipment here. The oxygen would have been a great addition in this case. Even so, his heart rate had stabilized to a lower rhythm and he seemed to be breathing more effortlessly.

Every now and then, Tahira would examine his features and the wound to make sure things would hold until they reached somewhere that could truly help him.

But then it hit her again. She had just saved his life. Kylo Ren would live another day because of her. Maybe she should have accepted her sentence and die as he would die with her. It would break General Leia's heart to know her son was dead, but maybe it was for the best.

 _He's a part of The First Order... they killed your family…_

Inevitably, more tears rolled down her face, but she did her best not to make a single noise that would make him notice that. She had saved a murderer because she was afraid to die. She was trained as a soldier… to be more than her feelings and needs. She needed to meet the needs of others, even if that meant her own death. She pledged allegiance to Leia Organa and the Resistance, and when she came face to face with one of their worst nightmares, she faltered and ended up saving him because deep down, she feared death. Feared dying as her parents did. With no mercy.

All of these events had apparently taken a toll on Kylo Ren, as he seemed to be resting. Tahira dried her eyes, leaning against the cold wall as she pushed her knees against her chest and encased them with her arms. Her head eventually rested on her knees as she cried and tried to forget what she had just done.

How would she be able to live her life with such a burden? Yes, she had spared General Leia's son's life. But at what cost?

Footsteps soon approached the door. She knew who was coming.

General Hux stepped inside the room with a vacant expression. "How is he?"

"Stable for now."

She didn't even bother to lift her head to look at him. She wanted to escape this. She had done enough.

"Good," Tahira heard him speak again. "Now look at me."

As she slowly lifted her head she came face to face with a blaster in his hand and a smug smile dancing on his lips. He was alone this time.

"Did you really think I was going to let you live, rebel scum?"

* * *

 ** _Next chapter: The First Doubt_**

* * *

 **So, I'm in no way familiar with Star Wars medicine, but I don't think it differs much in these cases, and I know they have very futuristic ways of dealing with certain things, but I decided to stick with what I know. I'm a nurse so everything stated is the usual procedure. I'm sorry for the long chapter, but I got carried away :p I hope this was a good first chapter and tell me your opinion!**


	2. The First Doubt

**Author's note:** **This is probably not very adequate, but... holy s*it! The feedback was amazing! I even received PM's from people saying they wanted to do some art for this story. I'm lost in words. This may sound cliché , but I wasn't honestly hoping this as I was writing the first chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who followed, reviewed, read and, more importantly, has given me the inspiration to continue! I'm loving seeing this fandom so alive. Amazing stories are being written every day, and I'm just so excited! I'm going to watch the movie again on Saturday for research purposes *cough cough*.**

 **I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was really fun to write, and I hope it meets your expectations!**

 **PS: I've deleted the last part of this chapter. For those of you have read it and liked it, I'm sorry, but as I reread it felt misplaced. I'll figure something out!**

 **Also, the rating may go up just to be safe!**

* * *

 **The Struggle Within**

Chapter Two - The First Doubt

* * *

For the second time that day, the only sound Tahira could hear was the erratic pounding of her own heartbeat. The redhead man took a few steps towards her crouched figure, still keeping the blaster positioned at her head.

Fear gripped her as an old friend. She hadn't felt like this since the day her family had been mercilessly killed, and she wasn't fond of the way it had so strongly taken over her body. Quite frankly, she had been naï ve to believe this man would keep his word. She should have known better than to trust him, and now she had saved a traitor for nothing.

Instinctively, Tahira shrunk back against the cold wall when she saw his finger slide to the trigger.

"How foolish of you to think that I would show mercy," Hux commented. "You rebels are far too trusting, and that's why you'll never be a true match against The First Order."

Tahira simply stared at him. This wasn't good at all. She had cheated death once by surviving her village's massacre, but she wouldn't be as lucky this time.

"You must have been an important asset to the Resistance with that skill you have. Trust me, after your friends managed to blow up Starkiller Base, I want nothing more than to take all my wrath out on you. Do you want to give me a reason why I shouldn't?"

"No," Tahira said promptly.

He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not going to beg," she muttered quickly, trying to keep her voice steady. "You want to feel as if you have all the power, but I won't give you that satisfaction. Do you understand that?" She ended with a shudder as he drew near even more. "Just be done with it."

She heard the General laugh slightly. "Incredible how all of you are such cowards. I expected more from General Leia's first in command."

He knew who she was. How?

Tahira frowned lightly, glancing sideways to see if Kylo Ren had shown some reaction to Hux's statement, but he remained still and seemingly asleep. The man before her was trying to rattle her. Why else would he be stalling her death for so long? It was clear to her now that he _was_ mocking and humiliating her. Or at least trying to.

"Of course, I know who you are," He said, lowering the blaster slightly, now pointing it at her chest. "You killed one hundred of my finest soldiers not long ago. I had my men find out who you were, naturally."

As much as she wanted to believe that this prolonged and worthless conversation was keeping her alive, she remained cautious. There was probably a trap laid out somewhere. Clearing her throat, she decided to play along since there were no better alternatives. "Your troopers have killed twenty of our best pilots. I think we're even." Only after she said that did she wonder if she had gone too far.

Much to her surprise, he said nothing. She took the time to notice how her hands were covered in dried blood. Kylo Ren's blood. Could it get any worse than this? Only if Hux really killed her, which sounded like an inevitability at this point.

A trooper came marching in, interrupting whatever Hux was deciding to do with her. "General, we have arrived at the Order's Station. We're preparing to land."

Tahira moved her eyes to Hux once more, only to see him lower the blaster at once. "Very well, I think I'll let the Supreme Leader decide what to do with you."

A pang of alarm lanced through her chest, and she drew back even more as her face paled. No one in the Resistance had ever seen Supreme Leader Snoke, but it was a fact that he was the one pulling all the strings. He had been the one to seduce Ben Solo to embrace the dark side of the force. Whoever he truly was, it was impossible for Tahira to believe he'd spare her. But would she even want to survive only to be in his hands?

"Bring the medical gurney," He ordered the trooper, pointing at Kylo Ren's immobile figure. "After you've blindfolded her."

Tahira was in too much shock to retaliate against Hux's order. Resisting now would be futile, so she allowed the trooper to bring a piece of cloth to her eyes and then stand her up.

"Oh, and clean those hands and bind them." She heard the General say. After that, there was only the sound of the ship's engine rumbling as it landed somewhere, and the feel of a rough wet fabric being rubbed against her hands.

A cold metal ring circled each wrist in front of her. From that point on, Tahira was ordered to pace forward, occasionally halting or having to walk faster. She dreaded the fact that she could not see her surroundings. There were beeping noises coming from machines, the synchronized marching of stormtroopers, and the smell of metal and rubber.

The trooper guiding her never exchanged a word with her, increasing the tension inside her even more. She could have sworn she had been walking for over fifteen minutes without stopping. Where was she? The trooper had mentioned a Station. The First Order Station. Was this their primary base? Was she being taken to the Supreme Leader?

She needed some answers. The fear of the unknown was taking over her conscience. "Where are you taking me?"

"Shut up."

These damn animals were far too obedient. Finn was definitely one in a million. They took orders without questioning them. They were empty shells, trained with the sole purpose of killing and destroying mindlessly. It had upset her to know that their recruitment process consisted of kidnapping young children from their families to brainwash them to be these ruthless soldiers.

More marching and halting dictated the rest of their uneventful journey through the station.

Something uncomfortable brushed along her nerves, making it hard to walk without thinking about how close she was to dying. Once and for all. This was it. She had prevented Kylo Ren from dying – ultimately betraying the Resistance – and now she'd die in vain.

She did her best not to think of General Leia, the woman who had sacrificed so much for others and hoped that she could one day have her son back. But would she? Ever? She'd probably thank Tahira for saving his life, but in the long run, if The First Order kept doing all of these horrible things while being led by him, would she really thank her or hate her? There must be a limit to her love for Kylo Ren.

He then gripped her arm, preventing her from walking any further. They had reached their destination, no doubt. Tahira heard a door open, and then her blindfold was removed.

Her eyes blinked repeatedly until they adjusted to the light again. She was faced with a small cubicle with only a long metal bench that extended along the width of the one wall. This was a detention cell.

The trooper pushed her inside, earning a protest from her. "Hey! Why am I here?!"

Unfortunately, with her hands bound behind her back, there wasn't much she could do to make him answer her. As soon as she walked to the entrance again, he gripped her shoulders painfully.

"Get back!"

She resisted only for a few seconds before realizing she was merely wasting her energy, which was already at a low point without food and water. The trooper pressed a button to his left, closing the door and leaving her alone.

Tahira sunk heavily onto the bench, wishing dearly for this nightmare to be over.

* * *

A deep growl escaped the very depths of his body as he fought the uncontrollable urge to destroy the droid tending to his wounds. Kylo Ren had never experienced this pain before, or maybe it had something to do with the fact that he had never reached such a vulnerable state. As his mouth opened to vociferate his suffering, the skin on the right side of his face tore, shooting more flashes of pain through his body. He could not prevent the tears of agony that left his eyes.

Unable to control himself, he arched his back as he felt something pierce his skin repeatedly, followed by a very distinct burning sensation.

"Sir, please stay still, we are still working on stabilizing you," The mechanical voice of a medic-droid informed him.

There was a mask covering his nose and mouth and he could feel the cool air inflating his lungs. A steady beeping sound coming from some monitoring device voiced his heartbeat, which was slightly quickened from the pain he was experiencing. He was laying on a warm surface, but there was a layer of coldness splattered across his torso and legs, which led him to the conclusion that these parts were bare.

It seemed there wasn't much he could do to stop the agonizing ministrations since both his wrists and ankles were firmly secured by metal bindings.

Against his body's will, he raised his head to look at the disturbing scene playing around him: a droid with a big, round head had one of its thin, metal hands in the shape of a huge burner while the other had a syringe injecting something on his lower abdomen. Various small, circular disks were glued to the area around his heart while one IV line kept filling him with a transparent liquid. His abdomen flexed defensively when he saw the torch light up near his skin, but he didn't feel any warmth.

"Please lay your head back, sir."

He felt some strands of his dark hair stick to his sweaty forehead as he did what he was told. The pain was starting to fade more and more, and eventually, the disturbing sound coming from the torch and the disgusting smell of burned flesh dissipated.

More than anything, he wanted to see his face to assess the extent of the damage that Rey girl had inflicted on him. The right side of his face was sore, and whenever he opened and closed his mouth he could feel the tearing. It made his blood boil in rage at the thought of having been so weak. He had even tried to persuade her to join his side as his apprentice. The Force was too strong with her and she had fooled him twice.

Any pain he had felt thus far could not even be compared to the shame that assaulted him presently. Ren had sensed her to be much more powerful than him in certain aspects. But how? How had she been able to block him from invading her mind?

He would need to speak to the Supreme Leader about these events. Not to mention his lightsaber, which had yet again come undone. It was becoming harder to craft one, as they became unstable if used for too long. He would have to build another one with the remains of the kyber crystals he possessed.

There was no denying it: he needed guidance. He was still far from being what Darth Vader had represented to the Dark Side. The Supreme Leader had seen potential in him, and that should have been enough for him to have confidence in himself, but there were times when the pull to the light was too strong to ignore.

Before he killed Han Solo had been one of those times. Seeing him there, pleading for his return had made him doubt the darkness inside himself, but he knew this was a test to his faith, and he had overcome it.

He was dead.

Han Solo was finally dead.

He'd be lying to himself if he said he hadn't felt disturbed by how unsure he had been when standing on that bridge, but the Dark Side had prevailed. His grandfather's legacy had endured and was now living through him stronger than ever before.

But it appeared another Resistance girl had made her very unique introduction to him.

Before he could carry on with his internal monologue, he heard the bindings on each of his wrists and ankles unclasp. The droid hovered to the other side of the white room, and he embraced this chance to sit on the heated table.

"Sir, you are in no condition to leave yet." There was no emotion in the droid's voice, as usual. It was a simple protocol sentence it had been programmed to recite.

Without much effort, Ren pulled out the needle stuck in his arm, leaving a trail of blood to slide down it. The sudden change of position made his head throb in pain, but he promptly removed each monitoring disk glued to his chest. His arms felt sore and rusty, as if he was using them for the first time in a long time.

The wound on his lower left abdomen was covered, not allowing him to see it, so he let his left hand touch it lightly. He then tilted his head to one side as he took deep and controlled breaths.

"Sir, please-"

He cut the droid off. "Get me my vest and my mask."

The tiny droid that hovered a few inches from the ground approach the table. "But sir"

" _Now!_ "

The droid immediately did as it was told and moved to collect his belongings.

His anger now spent, he pressed one hand to his forehead as pain shot through him. Droids lacked any emotion and were a mere product of someone's needs. He had needed medical assistance and it had done its job.

After waiting for some time, the droid dropped his vest and mask on his lap and his boots on the ground.

"You're bleeding, sir," it tried once more to return to its medical protocol, so he let it grab his arm and tend to the wound, as he was far more absorbed by the mask that was glaring at him.

He truly detested how it felt without it enclosing his head. It was the best way he had found to pay tribute to his grandfather and it would remain that way.

After having wasted too much time being weak and nearly dying, Ren decided he had more important matters to attend to. As such, he carefully dressed himself, occasionally pausing for a brief moment when he felt pain.

The last thing that remained visible was his face and he took a few steps to get used to the feeling of walking again. When his steps became steady, he moved to look at himself in a mirror close by.

His expression soon became pained upon seeing the hideous, straight scar planted on the right side of his face. The skin around its borders was reddened and possibly inflamed. The scar itself seemed dry as any burned thing did. He lifted a finger and ran it slowly across the irregular surface. His dormant anger soon rekindled at the thought that the scar had been made by a lightsaber in the hands of an inexperienced force-sensitive girl.

The need to talk to the Supreme Leader awoke him from his trance as he slid his gloves in place and put his mask on. The mechanism at the bottom of it began shifting, enclosing his neck with metal.

He was Kylo Ren once more, truly deserving of the name as the darkness of his mask greeted him like a long-lost friend.

Exiting the room, he paced along the corridors, vaguely wondering where he really was. Was this the Main Station? Most of the New Order ships looked exactly the same on the inside, so he'd have to wait until he got to the control room to be sure.

However, he didn't have to wait that long when, seconds later in a corridor, he came across the one man he would have appreciated not facing at that moment.

General Hux.

In his regular, clean attire, the young man halted his steps. "Welcome back to the Main Station, Kylo Ren," he mused, sounding as artificial as ever with his fake smile. "I didn't expect to see you recover so soon."

Had this been any other occasion, Ren would actually waste his time countering his taunt. But today, he was by no means interested in arguing with this idiot, as it would be pointless.

"I need to speak to the Supreme Leader."

Hux's eyes narrowed and his smile disappeared. "The Supreme Leader is busy, Ren. And you know what I mean by busy, don't you? I mean he's busy getting things done, as opposed to almost getting himself killed or bleeding to death."

And that was what this sad excuse of a General did. In less than thirty seconds of a conversation, he was either insulting or accusing him of something. He couldn't wait for the day Snoke no longer needed his services.

"Be careful, Hux," he finally spoke, the warning and menace in his voice amplified by his mask. "There will come a time when you'll become expendable, and when that day comes, I'll gladly separate your head from your body."

His eyes widened slightly, but not in fear. "Is that a threat, Ren?"

Ren's patience was wearing thin. "I need to see him."

"He'll contact you when he can," Hux spat, twisting his mouth in a crooked smile. "Why the hurry? You messed up with the Starkiller Base. Are you eager to die? I'd say you should enjoy your arms while you can."

His hand actually twitched in anticipation at the thought of strangling him, but he had more pressing things to care about. So, if he could not see the Supreme Leader now, he'd try something else. "Where is the girl?"

"Who? The rebel who saved you?" He asked rhetorically. "Are you going to thank her and become friends with her?"

Instead of prolonging this ridiculous argument, Ren moved past Hux, not bothering to say a final word. He didn't need that man to get the information he wanted.

It had surprised him greatly that Hux hadn't killed her when he had the chance. He was as ruthless as he was pathetic. Ren had been resting his head when he heard the conversation between this Tahira girl and him.

So she was Leia's first in command and had an impressive record of military deeds. He knew he had sensed something when he first entered her mind. This young and ordinary girl was adopted by Leia Organa and Han what purpose? Replacing him? It didn't matter now. They didn't matter.

He needed some answers, and now that he knew how close she was to the Resistance's praised General, he had something else he wanted.

The location of Luke Skywalker.

His footsteps led him to the main control room where he immediately approached one Commander. "Commander, where is the prisoner?"

The old man flinched back at the deep sound of his voice but quickly regained his pose. "The girl, sir?"

"Yes."

He immediately looked at a computer screen nearby. "She's in the detention cell 1546, sir."

Ren nodded his head and rushed through the busy corridors. The detention cells were quite far from the main control room, so he'd have to walk quickly, even though he had noticed some of the pain in his abdomen returning with each step he took.

He could no longer ignore the way his heart was beating, knowing that in a few minutes he'd know where to find his former master. Who would have thought that after missing his chance with Rey, this girl would actually be useful? What a magnificent coincidence.

Two troopers that were guarding each side of a small door came into sight. Both acknowledged him before the one on the left spoke. "Sir, the girl has just eaten and is awake."

With one effortless fling of his fingers, Ren pushed the door open at once, entering the cubicle.

She looked a mess: her dark hair that had once been secured on the top of her head had now shifted to one side and some strands framed her small face; her clothes were dirty and had some tears here and there; but what caught his attention was the large and dark stain that went all the way from her upper left thigh to her knee.

His blood.

Her bound hands rested on her lap and she was merely staring at him with a vacant expression. There was no doubt she was exhausted, and he wasn't exactly expecting her to actively react to his presence.

Where there had once been that uncontrollable rage he now sensed something else. Guilt. She felt guilty for saving him. It wasn't a strong feeling, but it was still there, gnawing at her insides.

"Why did you save me?" Ren asked, carefully studying her face.

She blinked, as if coming awake from a deep sleep. It was safe to say she wasn't expecting this question, or even the calm tone with which he had spoken.

"I shouldn't have."

"No, you shouldn't." He agreed. Ren knew what it felt like to regret doing something that would later become a bigger problem. It had happened to him when he had let Luke try to dissuade him from joining Snoke, and he almost succeeded in doing so. The proof was the constant conflict that had followed him ever since.

So, no, he would not condemn her for wanting him dead. He didn't expect anything else.

He started pacing slowly around the cell with his arms crossed against his chest, trying to set a better mood to get to what he truly wanted. Honestly, he still felt weak. Attempting to enter her mind would drain too much of his energy right now. Ren needed to get that information without resorting to those methods.

"You are Leia Organa's first in command," He began again, continuing to pace. "You have seen the map."

A scowl pinched one of her brows. "The map?"

"That leads to Luke Skywalker. Have you?"

Her teeth clicked together in annoyance. "I haven't."

At this, he stopped dead in his tracks to fully face her. "You're lying."

She shook her head firmly. "No. Enter my head again and check for yourself."

A jab of disappointment hit him. Why wouldn't she have seen it? Was she lying? The First Order had the fragments of the original map that lead to Skywalker, but the part that completed it was out of reach now.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." She immediately answered as if to make him leave her alone.

Her statements were believable enough. She was in no position to lie to him if he later found out the truth. It didn't lessen his disappointment in any way, though. He had risked a lot for that map, and only now to discover this girl couldn't give him the missing piece.

Once again, she returned to her previous uninterested demeanor by resting her head on the wall behind her and closing her eyes.

Once again, he tried to focus on her feelings, wasting some of his energy to read the girl in front of him. There was turmoil of feelings inside her. She felt sad, angry, and tired. The first one was the strongest of all.

As he had been taught so many times by Snoke, he was going to strike her where it hurt. She had to be hiding something, and he wouldn't be able to break her unless she fed him her darkest feelings.

"You're still mourning the death of Han Solo."

With one simple sentence, her hatred spiked considerably. _That's it._

The way she was ignoring his attacks only assured Ren that Leia had spoken to her of the Dark Side. A common creature would not be able to withhold anger in such a clean way.

Unfortunately for her, he was very persistent when it came to things he wanted. Right now, he wanted and needed her anger.

He tried again, ensuring he was now closer to her than before. "Did you love him as a father?"

This time, he saw the eyes behind her closed lids twitch lightly. Her breathing had also increased, not to mention the distinct shade of red that tinged her cheeks.

She was furious.

It wouldn't take him long to break her. Taking a deep breath, he crouched to eye-level with her. Sensing his proximity, she instantly opened her eyes. Another feeling rose fast.

Fear.

"Do you miss him?"

Tahira turned her head away from his masked glare, trying her best to ignore him. However, her bottom lip began to quiver while some redness spread around her eyes. The moisture that was gathering in them was undeniable.

One single tear outlined her right cheek first, but then many followed. He praised her resistance. But like most things, it had to break ) eventually.

He had her in his hands now.

"I take that as a 'yes'."

Ren watched her reaction closely, but she kept her head sideways, not facing him.

 _No, I want you to look at me._

Stretching his left arm, he caught her chin with his gloved fingers forcing her head to turn. As expected, she tried to whisk away from his touch, but he maintained a firm grip on her.

"Look at me," He commanded, but she kept wriggling her neck, fighting against his touch. "Look at me!" He was done holding back his darker side, and so he kept increasing the pressure on her jaw until she complied with his order.

She then clasped her hands around his wrist, still trying to get him to release her, but never tearing her eyes away from his mask again. Ren could feel her pulse quicken through his gloved hand. Much to his surprise, she had stopped crying. Again, her emotions shifted to hatred.

"Don't you ever dare talk about Han again!" It was hard for her to speak freely when her jaw was being gripped like that, but he had no intention of doing things differently.

"You truly don't know them, do you?" Ren taunted. "Your loneliness led you to believe they were worthy of your devotion. They aren't. Not Solo. Not Leia."

She tried to push him away so abruptly that he almost lost his balance. He made her stand and pushed her against the cold wall with her hands pinned above her head. As he had suspected, she wasn't as innocent as she appeared.

"Try that trick again, and I will break you." He threatened in a low voice. Her chest heaved and collapsed with impressive speed, but she seemed to have understood the message as she went awkwardly still.

He secured both her hands with one of his own while the other moved to remove his mask and drop it on the floor. As he did so, her eyes widened and he knew exactly where she was looking. "Rey did that to you."

"What do you know about her?"

For the first time, he saw her almost smile. "That she has clearly beaten you."

His free hand grasped her jaw again and she gave a muffled moan of pain. "You honestly believe you are much different from me. We have both killed. The only difference is that we have different motives."

"No, you murder innocent people," she growled. "We kill in legitimate defense."

Ren shook his head slightly. "Innocence is a matter of perspective, young one. As is good and evil. You consider yourself to be on the good side when truly you have no idea," he spoke slowly, letting each word sink into her brain. The distance between them had shortened and that seemed to make her very uneasy. "I'm not evil. I'm misunderstood."

And he truly believed that. No one ever tried to see his side. All they ever did was make decisions for him and expect him to silently obey. When he rebelled against his own family, they never once tried to understand him. He had been immediately labeled 'evil'.

She finally spoke through gritted teeth. "What is there to understand about Han's death?"

That was an easy question. "He had to die. Killing him was a test, which I passed. I will have reached my pinnacle when I kill Leia, too."

Her pulse sped up rapidly beneath his hand. He had touched a soft spot in her. Fresh tears gathered as she struggled with her frustration. "You... can't."

He tilted his head to the side. "I can. Trust me. But I won't. For now."

Then he saw her eyes close, breaking their eye contact. "Kill me. Either that or let me go. I'm of no use to you."

Kylo Ren had broken her with words, but he wasn't done with her yet. He had lost too much in the last few days to allow another failure. Eventually, she'd see his point. She would have to understand him.

"You will help me on my mission," Ren said, releasing her from his grip and taking a few steps away from her. "This has to work. If I can't get to Luke now, I have to have an alternative."

At this she scoffed, keeping her distance from him. "I would rather die! You must be out of your mind if you think I will help you and betray the Resistance."

As quickly as he had let go of her, Ren captured her neck with his hand until she collided firmly against the wall. She tried to kick him, but he used the Force to paralyze her attempts. It was not ideal, considering how weak he was, but she gave him no choice.

"You already did when you saved me, Tahira," He whispered into her ear, feeling her struggle in vain against his power. "You will get me to Rey."

* * *

 ** _Next chapter: A New Hope_**

* * *

 **Ta-da!**

 **Also, don't worry. I know things between Kylo Ren and Tahira seem to go nowhere, but I just don't find it believable that she would suffer from memory loss and pretend he hadn't hurt her so she would immediately fall in love with there. Patience, my young Padawans. We'll get there!**


	3. A New Hope

**Author's note:** **Hello! I hope you all had an amazing Christmas! I went to see the movie for the 2nd time yesterday, and I'm beyond inspired to continue this story! In fact, I realized I made a mistake in the previous chapter when Kylo Ren asked Tahira for the rest of the map. The First Order has it, but I hadn't noticed that the first time I saw the movie. Also, Tahira _hasn't_ seen the piece of the map carried by BB-8. If she had, Kylo Ren would easily retrieve it from her. That dialogue was mildly changed in chapter 2.**

 **I'm sorry for having taken so long to update, but there were some things I wanted to check by seeing the movie again and with Christmas, things took longer than expected. I'll be faster from now on!**

 **However, I must inform you that a minor change has been made regarding overall events. I think it makes the romance possibility far more possible than before. Feel free to read the 1st chapter again as it has also been revised by my Beta, SpyderByte. If not, I'll just tell you what it was that I changed: Initially, I had written that Kylo Ren was responsible for murdering Tahira's family, but I think it was too much of a thick line to cross. I would never be able to think romantically about a man who had murdered my whole family, so I've rewritten it to make it that a General (not Hux) from The First Order had done it, not Ren. He was not the one for delivering the killing blows. Of course, she still despises him for what he's done to Leia and Han, and for being a part of the First Order, but not making him the culprit seemed the right thing to do. I hope this makes sense to you, and that you keep reading!**

 **Again, thank you all for the lovely reviews and feedback in general! I try to reply to every single one! Also, the support has been amazing and truly inspirational. Don't think I don't appreciate it. I do! Really!**

* * *

 **The Struggle Within**

Chapter Three – A New Hope

* * *

Their confrontation came to an end when the unmistakable sound of a sliding door echoed through the cell. General Hux paced inside, musing at the scene playing before his eyes.

Kylo Ren immediately withdrew his hand from her neck, walking back rapidly as if she had burned him. The mask he had placed on the floor was immediately set on his head, enclosing his young face, as usual. For a brief moment, they eyed each other from a distance.

Still shocked from their conversation, Tahira wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand before massaging her sore neck. She wished she had been able to hold her feelings in check when he started taunting her. It was a trap and she had fallen for it.

"Back to your old self, Ren," Hux said approvingly. "The Supreme Leader wants to see you."

The masked man nodded, walking out of the cell without addressing her again.

"You, too," Hux spat, motioning her to follow him.

At this point, she decided it was wiser to do her best to avoid lashing out. Her energy was at its lowest, and she couldn't afford to further endanger her life.

After a short walk, all three entered an elevator. The tension was palpable in the suffocating metal box.

The doors of the elevator slid open and the hallway of yet another corridor stretched before her like a runway. All she had to do was walk on it, but Tahira couldn't bring herself to move. Her muscles were frozen, whether from her undeniable tiredness or from the sudden realization she was about to meet the leader of the First Order, she was unsure.

A soft 'ping' lit up the control panel, clearly indicating someone had called for the elevator on another level, and before the doors could slide shut, Hux extended one hand, preventing them from shutting, as he let out an impatient grunt.

"The Supreme Leader doesn't like to be kept waiting. _Move_ , rebel."

She was then very aware of how close Kylo Ren was behind her, probably sharing the same feeling with the General. He had an agenda that involved her. Did the Supreme Leader know about it? Or would he simply let her die if it came down to it?

There was no way around it. She heaved a sigh and stepped onto the bright red carpet of the hallway.

The muffled sounds of boots stepping on the fabric seemed to set her on edge. With each step she took, Tahira felt death draw closer; the men behind her served only as proof of her fear. Maybe Hux should have killed her when he had the chance. She figured the quick death a blaster provided would be no match to whatever was about to meet her at the end of this corridor.

And then she froze. A large, square, and black door appeared not long after. It had the First Order insignia perfectly painted in the middle, causing the thin hair on the back of her neck to rise in alarm.

Hux wasted no time in pressing a button on the wall, allowing the entrance to part right in the middle. Kylo Ren was the first to enter, followed by a very reluctant Tahira, whose only inspiration to move forward was the feel of Hux's blaster glued to her back, ready to fire should she fail to obey.

The room itself was empty; only two lamps provided light in the large chamber, making it near impossible to see anything other than some sort of pedestal at the end of the path. Where was he? Had he postponed their encounter?

However, her doubts were soon answered when Hux clicked on a device wrapped around his right wrist. Immediately, a large hologram appeared in front of them.

Tahira fought the sudden urge to gasp at the sight before her eyes: the robed figure was sitting, silently looking at her with half closed eyes; he had a large scar going from his forehead all the way along his skull. He seemed to have been severely injured a long time ago, as his face was twisted in all the wrong ways; his mouth was a thin crooked line, and it was hard for her to read his facial expression. On top of that, he seemed _really_ old.

She noticed she was now standing between them as she saw both bowing at the hologram.

"Supreme Leader, I have good news." Hux was the first to speak, and his tone was far softer and careful now. "There is a chance we might still reach out to our troops in Bespin to retrieve as much gas as possible."

Tahira, however, had a feeling Snoke wasn't at all interested in the General's information when his black eyes moved from her to Kylo Ren. Hux eventually figured it out as he fell into a sudden silence.

"Is there a valid reason why you have abandoned the medical chamber so early?" asked the Supreme Leader in a slow and steady voice.

Tahira inwardly shuddered at how menacing he looked and sounded, but didn't dare look at the man to her left. He eventually spoke. "I had the utmost need to contact you."

The tall figure leaned forward, his large, bony left hand gripping his armrest tightly. He didn't seem pleased. "After the events of tonight, I do not need another loss. Especially _yours_." He said, his stare intense.

"My apologies, Supreme Leader." Kylo Ren replied, his helmet hiding whatever it was that he really felt. Even with his mask on, she perceived him as being less comfortable all of a sudden.

"We will discuss this later," Snoke drawled, before turning to her again. "What is the meaning of _this_ , General?"

By 'this' he meant _her_ , which was already a solid indication of how badly things would unfold from here on out. Tahira was expecting a killing blow coming at her any moment now.

Clearing his throat, Hux straightened his back, assuming a more pompous stance. "She is the rebel that saved Kylo Ren from dying, Supreme Leader."

His dark eyes were fixed on the General with a speculative look. "I am aware. What is she doing here alive?"

Tahira's heart almost jumped in her chest. It was as she had feared. Hux had clearly crossed a line by delaying her termination. Quite frankly, what had gone through his head to not have her killed?

"She is Leia Organa's first in command," Hux informed promptly. "I was close to killing her, but we arrived at the Main Station in that moment, and I decided to let you decide what to do with her, Supreme Leader."

No one spoke for what seemed like a long time, until Snoke began drumming his fingers on the armrest. "I thank you for saving Kylo Ren. It wasn't easy, I suppose."

His voice was awkwardly… gentle. Had she not known his true nature, she might have confused him with a caring grandfather figure. Not knowing how to react to his statement, Tahira remained silence.

"What is your name, child?"

She forced her voice to obey, not looking into his eyes. "Tahira."

"Well, _Tahira_ , that is a first," He murmured as if they were alone in the room. "I haven't known any member of the Resistance willing to let any of my soldiers live. Especially, when your people would gladly give up their own life if that meant preventing any of us from surviving."

Her eyes flicked briefly up to his. There was no need to awaken her guilt once more. Tahira knew what he said was true. Every member of the Resistance was trained to never disclose important information, and if that meant they should die to protect it, so be it. Even so, there wasn't any particular guideline indicating the procedures one must take when put in the position she had been in.

Maybe she was a traitor after all.

"Have you seen the map?"

Before she had the chance to answer it, Kylo Ren did that for her. "She says she hasn't."

Snoke rubbed his chin in a very drawn out motion, shifting his gaze to Ren. "Have you _confirmed_ this?"

Needless to say that was code for 'have you confiscated her mind yet?' She wasn't lying when she told Kylo Ren she hadn't seen it as she had been assigned to the medical facility that very day, making her miss the chance to witness what BB-8 had shown.

In no time, Tahira felt the same cold and painful sensation inside her head when she had been onboard the shuttle. He was rummaging through her mind again, and she couldn't do anything about it considering she was also paralyzed. Still, it wasn't as intense as the first time, but the feeling of someone delving into your most intimate memories was still too much to grasp. The pain grew with each second until it came to an abrupt halt. It took a lot of effort for her to stay on her feet after that agonizing moment.

Her eyes were still closed when she heard his voice again. "She speaks the truth."

"So she is useless to us," Snoke mused tartly. "This is nothing but a waste of time, _General_."

"Not entirely, Supreme Leader. She might be able to get us to this Rey girl." Ren said.

Tahira stared at him, wide eyed. He was still insisting on that subject. In truth, she was more baffled than angry.

"Really?" Snoke didn't seem too convinced. "Will she do that?"

Her heart gave a thump and inexplicable moisture stung her eyes. What could they possibly think she might be able to achieve? She would not succumb to their vile plans. Her treachery against the Resistance and Leia Organa ended when she saved him from certain death. She would do no more.

All three of them were waiting for an answer. She cleared her throat with her eyes glued to the floor. "I won't."

The effect her statement had on the men beside her was notorious: Hux turned his head to her, mouth agape in shock; Ren had shifted lightly in his place, lacing his hands behind his back.

This, however, didn't affect Snoke in the slightest. "May I ask why?"

"I've sworn allegiance to the Resistance," she mustered the last traces of bravery in her voice. "Either kill me or let me go."

His thunderous laugh echoed through the walls around her, making her cringe in surprise. "You are in no position to demand anything, child."

That, sadly, was true enough.

"I stand my ground."

"Do you?" Snoke's demeanor had changed rapidly from a kind indulgent grandfather to a ruthless predator. "From the way I see it, your allegiance is already questionable if we take into account today's events."

Tahira's mouth moved open but for a while she couldn't speak. Every set of eyes in the room was fixed on her, boring into her, waiting for her to react; she could feel how Hux was sickly amused by this, for he let out a low chuckle of victory.

"Surely you agree with me," Snoke continued stiffly.

In all honesty, she hadn't expected him to address that once again. It was low. _Very low_ even from someone like him. Unfortunately, it appeared her actions had set in motion something greater than she had bargained for. Saving Kylo Ren had made her cross the thin line between good and bad.

Snoke knew that, too.

Would she be willing to die for the Resistance this time?

She eventually managed to speak again. "Sparing his life was a mistake. One I shall not repeat again as long as I'm in charge of my mind. I was raised as a being with consciousness. We all have our flaws and we all make mistakes."

"Very touching, yes," Snoke mocked. "But you _will_ change your mind, Tahira."

That sounded very much like a promise rather than a threat. Sweat tangled her hands as he addressed Hux. "Take her to a sleeping chamber, General. Make her feel comfortable enough."

Her eyes flicked up to his for the first time. He couldn't be serious. Why her? _Why did it have to be her in this position?_

"We will speak soon, child," Snoke's voice rumbled through her ears, making her shiver in rage. "We have much to discuss."

Hux's hand grabbed her right wrist, but she immediately yanked away from his touch. " _Don't touch me_."

Another chuckled erupted from Snoke. "Now, now, General. That is no way to treat our _guest_ ," He regained a more serious pose. "Leave us. We have much to discuss, Kylo Ren."

Tahira saw Hux remove his blaster form its holster, forcing her to pace towards the door as Kylo Ren remained where he stood.

* * *

"Remove your mask."

Kylo Ren obeyed, bringing his hands up to clasp his helmet and removing it. Snoke glared with interest at his face. It made Ren feel ashamed to be exposing his scar to him of all people. This was the ultimate proof of his failure.

Snoke's chin tilted up. "Tell me everything."

He knew what he was referring to, and so he started describing the events that took place earlier that day, from the interrogation he had submitted Rey to, to the moment she had declined his offer as her teacher, inflicting several wounds on him- the last of which was to stay forever marked upon his features. Describing how he had killed Han Solo seemed to flare Snoke's attention.

When he was done, he couldn't help but to shift his glare away from the Supreme Leader. He didn't want to see disappointment in his face. He had been too weak, and that had caused many to die on the Starkiller Base.

"I sense conflict in you," Snoke began in a slow voice. "But know that you will have a chance to redeem yourself for these failures."

Ren glanced at the floor and rearranged the mask in his hands. "Supreme Leader, I-"

He cut him off, his voice harsher. "Even so, it's unacceptable that an untrained, force-sensitive girl was able to surpass you, considering you had just killed Han Solo moments before."

Kylo Ren glanced back at the floor, feeling the shame fill him with no mercy. That event would haunt him until he found a way to compensate for that mistake.

"I was injured, and she is strong with the Force." He tried to explain himself. "It was getting harder to maintain the Force flow my way. She eventually understood that, and used that to her advantage."

Snoke was being deceptively quiet. And it wasn't the usual kind of quiet. He was pondering what Ren had just said while staring at him intensely.

"Supreme Leader?"

"You should have used the pain you felt!" He beamed angrily without coming out of his distant stare. "That's how you master the Dark Side! Your suffering should have been used to _your_ advantage."

Ren was positively ashamed now. It hurt to know that Snoke was correct. That was indeed the path to the Dark Side, and he let a mere girl fool him into thinking he should succumb to his physical pain. He had profoundly disappointed the Supreme Leader. There was this stirring feeling to set things right, and he intended on grasping it.

"This rebel girl will help me get to Rey and, hopefully, get her to join me." Ren said tentatively. "I can teach her the ways of the Force and of the Dark Side."

"And how will you do it?" Snoke's voice was still shaky with impatience.

"I will mind-control Tahira into doing this. She is weak-minded, so she will not be an obstacle."

Snoke erupted, and there was no other word for it. He surged upright so suddenly with such rage in his eyes that Ren flinched. "She is close to Leia Organa who is force-sensitive! They will know she is being controlled the moment she makes contact with them!"

"I will not fail you!" Ren spoke louder than intended, but that seemed to make Snoke snap out of his rant as he sat back again. "I will resort to other methods to get her to see our side."

Snoke's right hand groped the armrest, and for a moment Ren thought he had said something wrong again. Instead, Snoke merely said, "You know what to do. You have come this far for a reason. Avoid painful methods. Make her see we're on the right side."

Ren groaned inwardly, seeing that he had managed to get Snoke to trust him again. It was getting harder and harder these days as failure seemed to be the only thing Ren could deliver him.

Snoke was still glancing at him sharply, reading his expression. "Do not let your feelings for her blind you, Kylo Ren."

His eyebrow rose in a moment of total surprise. "My feelings?"

He nodded. "She is close to Leia Organa, and was close to Han Solo. However, I can sense that the fact that she saved you is producing this struggle within you."

Kylo Ren was baffled by what he had just heard. The girl had saved him on Hux's order, because she was too weak to accept death as a better fate. As for the fact that his parents had adopted her, it was sheer coincidence. The only feelings he harbored for her were the ones he always felt towards members of the Resistance: _Rage. Disgust. Pity._

"They mean nothing to me. _She_ means nothing to me." He made sure he pressed that as firmly as he could.

"Very well, then," Snoke said, nodding his head.

Beads of sweat rolled down Ren's face. This was proving to be unnecessarily hard. Snoke was no fool, and he knew who was loyal to him. Kylo Ren was. There was no question about it, so he had no idea why he still seemed suspicious. The pull to the light had lessened, and he was glad for that.

"Make things right," The Supreme Leader ordered. "I will not be as forgiving the next time you fail me, Kylo Ren."

And he understood that.

"You passed your test by killing Han Solo, but I fear a greater one is yet to come." He continued with a low voice. "Be prepared and observant. Prove me I was not wrong in wanting you by my side."

"Will the girl obey us willingly?" Ren asked, deciding the mood was less heavy now. "Will we be able to trust her?"

"I believe that, with the proper guidance, people can shift their allegiance," he answered. "She is no one special. In time, she will break…"

Kylo Ren appreciated his wisdom. He still had much to learn.

"… as you once did, if you remember."

Ren nodded at him. He had once been broken, but was now whole to become something else. Someone else.

"Do not fail me again."

With that, the hologram disappeared, plunging the chamber into darkness again, and Ren welcomed it. The Light was deceiving. Darkness was where the powerful things thrived.

This Tahira girl would be his chance to redeem himself from his mistakes. He would make her bend to his will, or break her in the process.

* * *

The constant strolls through the station were wearing Tahira down at a faster pace now. She needed rest, but more importantly, she needed her mind clean to think everything through without giving into the fear they were cultivating.

Eventually, Hux led her into a less agitated part of the station. It was surely the area reserved for sleeping chambers as it had rows of doors on either side of the corridor with numbers written on each door.

Never moving his blaster from her, Hux motioned her to enter a room with the number '214' carved on the metal door. She hesitated at first, still suspicious of the Supreme Leader's true intentions. Her hesitation dissipated as she felt something hard press against her back.

Hux kept increasing the pressure of the blaster on her skin. "Move."

Taking no chances, Tahira pressed a button on the wall beside the door and it immediately swung open. He then proceeded to remove the bindings from her wrists, allowing her to move freely once more.

The room was poorly lit as she stepped inside, though it was definitely an improvement from the cell she had been locked in previously. There was a large, ceiling-tall window that allowed the stars outside to cast a dim light on a large bed that was placed beneath it. The faint tones of gray and black seemed to spread across the entirety of the room, giving it a sinister nuance. There were two opposite rows of lamps on the wall, flaking the bed. The lack of furniture was not surprising, as it only had a bedside table with a bowl of food on it by the window and a chair next to another door.

Tahira began pacing calmly along the carpeted floor, taking in every detail of what she was observing. Truthfully, there was not much to look at. This wasn't supposed to be a luxurious chamber, but it was a more open enclosure than her previous cell. It changed nothing. She was still their captive.

"The bathroom is behind that door," Hux said bitterly, breaking the silence as he pointed to the door close to her. "You have twenty minutes."

"For what?"

"Getting clean. You reek."

She stared at him for a moment. His statement was true enough. She did smell horrible. The mixture of sweat and blood still made her face wrinkle in disgust.

"Why twenty minutes?"

Hux's unpleasant expression didn't waver. "Because I say so. There are things you still need to do before the day is over."

So that was how things were going to play out? Her steps being controlled and monitored? Even so, Tahira thought it'd be wiser not to contest this… for now, at least.

"And don't try anything funny," He warned, moving to exit the room. "There will be two guards placed outside. If I hear you tried to escape, I'll make sure you won't be able to stand for a week."

His threat now delivered, the General left the room at once.

Realizing that she wanted to eat, but wanted to take a bath as well, she picked up a pingpear from the bowl. She examined the fruit thoroughly before taking a first bite. Tahira chewed on it for a second before it slid down her sore throat, refreshing her in a way she could never imagine.

It didn't matter how much eating a decent meal was doing wonders for her, she still needed to take Hux's warning seriously.

Still gripping the fruit in one hand, she walked slowly to the door Hux had indicated and watched it slide open, not expecting the sight of a steam billowing around a dark gray bathtub. The bathroom was very tiny with only a toilet, sink and bathtub, but in that moment, Tahira couldn't care less.

The door shut behind her as she saw some clothes and a towel resting on a stool. They were all black, and she wouldn't actually have minded that if not for the First Order symbol splattered on the top vest. An uncomfortable thought shot through her body. Wearing that would be close to accepting her fate as one of them…

Setting her rejection aside, she figured she had already wasted five minutes of precious bath time.

After putting the pingpear on the sink, she took a glance in the mirror; her face looked spent and dirt covered her skin. Her once perfectly tied hair was now falling down in thick strands and she set the rest of her hair free from the elastic. There was no brush, so she would have to improvise a way to detangle her hair. She then proceeded to take off her bloody, sweat-drenched, and ripped garments to slide into the steaming tub. The water calmed her almost immediately and made her aching body much more comfortable.

The water began to soothe her as the heat spread over her skin. There was soap and a washcloth beside the tub, and she started rubbing the fabric on her arms first. Her gaze rested on the small stool at the other side of the room again, dreading the idea of wearing those clothes. Unfortunately, her own were far too dirty and ripped to be worn ever again.

Taking a moment, she thought on what she'd have to do next. There was no way she'd go down without a fight. Leia had taught her better than to give into the terror surrounding her. She would have to come up with an escape plan, or at least alert the Resistance she was still alive.

Fatigue got the best of her and she decided to stop trying to come up with a solution to her problem, so she put her arms on the side of the tub and lay her cheek on one arm to try to find some peace amid this torment. It seemed her heart refused to slow down, even in the searing hot water. Slowly her eyes began to close resisting her command not to.

 _Silence…warm waves of water…_

Coming back to herself, the _sudden realization almost made her wince in shock._

She'd fallen asleep, losing complete track of time. Panic overcame her relaxed body as she glanced at the closed door, expecting a very angry General Hux to burst inside with a blaster pointed at her.

Doing her best not to fall, she emerged from the steaming bath. However, Tahira slipped a little on the first step leading down and banged her back on the edge of the tub. The pain brought tears of frustration to her eyes.

Trying to compose herself but failing miserably, she grabbed the towel off the side of the tub and held it against her front. Her back still throbbed with pain, and there was a headache brewing deep inside her head, becoming unbearable. Much to her relief, Hux still hadn't come to get her. Maybe she hadn't yet surpassed the twenty minutes he'd given her.

Taking a woeful deep breath, she finally managed to slow her tears enough to realize that they were merely tiring her even further and weren't going to help her overcome the situation she was in.

Holding her sore back, she hobbled over to the steamed up mirror hanging over the small sink. Her long hair was still a mess. A wet mess. She would need to do something about it, so she combed her fingers through it as carefully as possible, wincing every time the tangles refused to unravel. The process was rather quick, and she finally managed to twist her brown hair into a rushed bun on top of her head.

Her gaze was pried away from the mirror and rested on the clothing neatly folded on the stool.

Drying off as best she could, Tahira put the towel aside. Next she dressed in the pants, which fit almost perfectly. They were obviously meant for women, as the waistband rested slightly loose at her hips. The shirt was slightly too large and when she wrapped it around her, the silken trim around the edge reached all the way to the back of her hip. This wasn't by all means the perfect attire, but it'd have to do for now.

Black knee-length boots were by the door and she put them on her feet. She rubbed the towel on her face one last time before she grabbed the fruit on the sink once again.

Pressing the button to open the door, she slid out of the bathroom.

Just as she was about to pace towards the bed Tahira filched a few steps back as she realized someone else was already sitting on it.

Kylo Ren.

Had she not been so tired she might actually have yelled something at him. His arms were resting on each leg and his back was slightlycurved as he seemed to be immersed in his own thoughts.

But she was clearly wrong as he immediately acknowledged her presence. "You failed to obey Hux's orders."

Tahira watched him for a moment. "I fell asleep."

He didn't seem to be angry or even mildly upset. His masked features still made it difficult for her to fully understand his true intentions.

"I noticed it." He said to her, straightening himself and gripping his knees with his gloved hands.

He… noticed? What was that supposed to mean? Tahira decided not to pay too much attention to it. "I really need to rest."

"Disobedience is not tolerated here," he said lightly, totally ignoring her remark. "Especially coming from you."

Tahira was far too exhausted to be angry at his statement. If he was trying to taunt her, he would not succeed. For that, she remained silent, feeling the cold juiced from the pingpear roll down her fingers and onto the floor.

Ren rose from his seat in a swift motion. "Eat."

This time, she was the one ignoring him. "I _have_ to rest."

She seemed to have triggered something inside him, for he walked towards her, shortening the distance between them, making Tahira step back unconsciously. With little effort and resistance from her, he grabbed her wrist and brought the fruit to her mouth.

"You _have_ to eat. I won't say it again," His tone was deadlier than before. "Your tiredness will lessen if you eat."

Tahira bit her tongue. She wanted to contest his order and his grip and tell him that he had no right to deny her from resting, as it was something essential to the majority of life forms. Her heart ached for her to be stronger than this, but she knew he had the higher ground.

Reluctantly, she took another bite and he finally let go of her, but his tall figure still looming over her. "Come with me."

The look she shot in his direction may very well have killed him if it was possible. Tahira moved away from him and placed the pingpear on the bowl again. This was grasping the point of ridiculousness. She hadn't had more than a half an hour to rest and ponder on the events that had unfolded that day.

At her silence, he pressed. "There is something I have to show you."

Not being able to control herself any longer, Tahira spoke up with a harsher tone. "I _have_ to rest!"

Of course, this only made things worse, as something invisible and untouchable gripped her throat. She saw one of his hands extend as he used the Force to punish her.

"I heard you the first time," Ren hissed, visibly upset. "Resting should be the least of your concerns if you wish to live."

The grip on her neck dissipated, and she gasped for air as he once again walked to grip her arm, forcing her to pace in front of him as they left the room.

The two guards on either side of the door bowed their head as Ren passed by them. She actually expected him to bind her hands, but that never happened.

Tahira was done. She no longer had the strength to oppose their commands. As much as she wanted to show them she wasn't as reachable as they had hoped, she was failing miserably at it.

No, she had to keep her head cool. Stop acting on impulse and figure out a better strategy. They wanted Rey. More than that, they wanted _her_ to get them to Rey. Fighting against her ever-growing headache, Tahira knew what had to be done.

From the beginning of her training with Leia Organa, she had been taught many ways to try to escape should she ever get caught. There were innumerable lies and schemes they had planned out and given out to every member of the Resistance to try and fight the New Order. None of them were impenetrable, especially considering Kylo Ren was able to penetrate a person's mind, but they still had to try it.

She had to cling to this new hope that whatever they asked of her, she would be able to answer without compromising the Resistance. It would buy her some time to maybe be able to escape.

She jolted in surprise when she heard his voice again. "Your head hurts."

It wasn't the only thing hurting, but it was true.

"It's one of the side effects of having your mind probed," Ren informed, still guiding her through the endless corridors of the station. "It will eventually fade."

That was reassuring, but it still didn't make things any worse. The pain on her neck was proof of that.

Soon, they entered the main control room where Hux paced, giving orders to the lower ranks. The room fell into a very uncomfortable silence as they entered it. She glanced at the General whose features had twisted into a sadistic smile. "The uniform suits you, rebel."

She decided to ignore his attempt at making her angry.

Hoping whatever Kylo Ren wanted to show her was brief, Tahira merely stood near several computers while Ren patiently navigated through some files.

"Put up archive number 32 onto this screen," He commanded a woman sitting near him. She nodded, and something appeared in front of Tahira.

Her heart sunk deeply inside her body. _How?_ Her mouth fell open as various pictures were shown to her.

Ren turned his head to gaze at her. "Do you recognize this?"

Not thinking she had any tears left, the hot liquid ran down her cheeks in shock. This couldn't be happening. How had they managed to get this?

Just as fast as her optimism had soared, it plummeted back to the floor.

Even though she could not see his face, there was no doubt he was smiling. "I thought you might."

 _This was heartbreaking._

* * *

 _Next chapter: When it Hurts_

* * *

 **As always, I hope you enjoyed it, and that you stick with me through this journey! Feel free to leave a comment or PM me! The next update will be coming soon!**


	4. When it Hurts

**Author's note: I've deleted this chapter by mistake while trying to update it. Sorry for the double notification!**

 **I wish I could update more often. Apparently, some people are getting angry at me and have PM'ed saying they would stop readind because I'm not updating as quickly as other authors, and that they're are lossing interest. Also, they say that this story is putting them off because of the slow build up. This is my story. I don't force anyone to read it, but I also don't appreciate getting blackmailed into speeding things up or else I'll lose readers and reviews (as some have stated). I have no idea if this is the product of that person who's been attacking me and other authors, but I've been loosing follows, favs and reviews. No idea why. I write for everyone. Feedback is always appreciated, of course, but never a requirement for me to update. I've received 5 guest reviews (which I deleted because they had nothing to contribute to my story) stating that chapter were too long and boring. Then I received 2 PM's stating that I write too much and don't get to the plot.**

 **Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that this has been hard to handle. I like to be close all my readers, and reply to every review and PM. This is me getting this off my chest and sharing with all of you.**

 **I, by no means, think my story is a work of art! However, every aspiring writer appreciates feedback and constructive criticism (thank you to those who have told me issues I should work on to improve!). Life hasn't been easy. It never is. I come here to write and clear my mind of things that bother me. This issue has been affecting my creativity and my ability to concentrate on my story. I've drafted up to chapter 9 still, and will continue updating, but, right now I really could appreciate some kind words and support (as you've all done in the past, helping me a lot!).**

 **Thank you if you read the entire note.**

 **Please enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 **The Struggle Within**

Chapter Four - When it Hurts

* * *

Poe Dameron couldn't sleep that night, but he rarely could nowadays. Usually, the flashbacks and memories of previous events were enough to keep him awake for the past few weeks. The title of the best pilot in the Resistance hadn't been earned without seeing things no one should, things that scar forever. But, Poe's insomnia, that night, had another cause entirely.

They had been able to destroy the Starkiller Base, one of the First Order's most prized stations.

That alone would definitely be a reason for him to let himself go of his worries momentarily, while General Organa planned their next course of action.

People had died during that battle, and he was used to losing fellow pilots by now. After all, everyone knew what they were getting themselves into when joining the Resistance. Death was a possibility, an ever-growing one.

Maybe that should have made Poe accept the casualties that had occurred and move on. But, not after knowing what had happened.

Han Solo had been murdered by his own son.

One of the best pilots he ever had the fortune to meet was now no more than a memory. He had fought alongside his father, Kes Dameron, during the assault on the Death Star's shield generator on Endor.

But then he heard something else. Tahira hadn't made it back on the Millennium Falcon, which meant she had also been a fatal victim in the conflict. He still remembered the day she had been brought to them, after witnessing the death and destruction of her family and village. She was only fourteen years old. Too young to have seen that. Too young to have felt something like that.

Poe was no stranger to losing someone he loved. He had been eight years old when his mother, Shara Bey, passed away from an unknown illness. She had been one of the best starfighter pilots and had served as a lieutenant in the Rebel Alliance. She had married his father, and two years before the battle of Endor, Poe was born. He was mostly raised by his maternal grandfather while his parents fought for the destruction of the Galactic Empire, and had only truly lived with his parents afterwards.

His mother had never shared many of her stories with him, possibly afraid he'd follow in her footsteps. Even so, she had taught him to fly, sharing her passion with him, and fueling his own. His father was devastated when she died, but had promised not to intervene in any further alliances since it had already costed him so much.

It hadn't taken Poe long to look for his mother's records from the war, realizing that he wanted to pay homage to her by becoming a pilot himself and joining the New Republic. Kes Dameron had not approved of this, but understood Poe's motivation and advised him to fully commit to the cause or avoid being involved at all. Further research of those records had allowed him to gain more and more knowledge about the rebels and their cause. Later, he had abandoned his position within the New Republic and joined the Resistance, under General Leia Organa's command.

All of this had been enough for him to connect with young Tahira. He had tried to sway her into becoming a pilot, like himself, but she dreaded the idea of being locked up in an X-wing, while doing dangerous maneuvers and spins. So, as she grew up, she instead took an interest in blasters, and hand-to-hand combat, as well as medicine. Since she was close to Leia Organa, she had strived to become a good fighter, as well as a trustworthy medic, whenever needed.

All in all, the Resistance had lost valuable pilots, and Han Solo, but he'd also lost someone he considered family. A sister, even.

So, Poe Dameron had little reason to rest, and, as a result,he resorted to one of the few things that utterly calmed him.

Fixing things.

The screwdriver in his hand squeaked as he tried to repair the jammed cockpit flight controls of his X-wing, Black One. Sweat slid off his bare back, and torso, before he took BB-8's advice to wear a shirt. The night's cold breeze could prove to be more than an annoyance to his health if he insisted on fixing his ship in such frigid weather

As he threw the tool inside his repair kit, Poe slid off the stairs and grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat off his face, before sliding into a black shirt. His droid told him to take some rest, but he chose to ignore BB-8's advice entirely.

Instead, he looked at the horizon from Hangar 2. The soft morning light was streaming through the treetops, spreading along the surface of D'Qar. He'd seen the sun rise many times, but what usually was a spectacle to behold, had little effect on him this time.

He took the water bottle from his pocket, drinking the content as he heard footsteps approaching.

Jessika Pava, a fellow pilot, stopped short in front of him, blocking out the rising sun. "You never change, do you?" she remarked, her lips curved into a wistful smile.

Without missing a beat, Poe said quite blandly, "Sleeping is a waste of time."

"Pushing yourself to the limits isn't a better option, Poe," she retorted, adamantly. "But I get it. This victory has a bittersweet taste to it."

He ran a hand through his wavy, dark hair, sighing. "Victory? At this rate, our whole fleet will perish before we can really destroy the First Order," he pointed out, crouching to grab the screwdriver again, and hopping inside the cockpit.

"Is this about Han Solo?"

His jaw clenched. He wanted to focus on those who were still alive. "How's Finn doing?"

She took a deep breath. "Dr. Kalonia says he's stable for now. We tried to reach you through your comlink."

"I turned it off."

Maybe that hadn't been the wisest decision, but he hadn't wanted to be disturbed for a while. As it turned out, he would have been if he hadn't done that.

There was a grunt coming from her, and he couldn't help but smile inwardly. Jess was a fairly young recruit. She had joined the Resistance not long ago, however what she lacked in experience she made up for in ambition and determination. Those were traits he valued greatly.

"Why did you want to contact me for?" Poe decided to break the silence, adjusting some wires and cables, while avoiding trying to avoid electrocution

"I reckon you don't know yet."

He rose an eyebrow. "Know what?"

She took a deep breath. "Tahira might not be dead."

" _What?_ "

"Everyone thought she didn't make it – I mean, we still don't. Her tracking device was offline. However, one of the communication techs received a brief signal from it, not two hours ago," Jess informed, visibly choosing her words carefully. "It was only for two seconds, but it was enough to track its location."

The tone in her voice was enough for him to figure out Tahira was not somewhere safe. How could she have survived? Chewbacca hadn't managed to save her in time, and her tracking device gave no signal…

Poe rose from the cockpit at once, stepping out of it to glare intensely at Jess. "Does the General know of this?"

"Of course."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Poe started pacing rapidly across the Hangar. "Come on, BB-8."

The droid didn't need to be told twice as it quickly began rolling beside him.

Predictably enough, Jess raced to join his side as well. "Where are you going?"

"To see the General. To know what options we have to save her."

The pilot grasped his shoulder abruptly, halting his steps. "Poe…the signal is coming from the Main Station…she might not even be alive."

His many years as a Resistance pilot and commendable leader had taught him that these pilots looked up to him as an inspiring figure. Rushed decisions weren't his specialty, but they sure did the trick once in awhile.

The way Jess was looking at him made his heart clench. She feared he'd do something foolish.

But, Poe Dameron was anything but foolish, so he let a reassuring smile spread across his lips. "The General will know what to do."

And he meant it. General Organa was an excellent leader. If there was a way to get Tahira back, she'd figure it out.

Wasting no more time, they moved along the corridors, occasionally greeting personnel on their way to the communication center. Poe spotted the General standing by Major Ematt's side, both looking worriedly at a control panel.

General Organa then shifted her gaze to the pilot. There was sadness in her eyes, even though she tried to hold a sincere smile. "Poe..."

But he couldn't stop himself. "I've heard the news. Is there any plan yet?"

The woman in front of him sighed, her sadness deepening her features. "Not yet, Poe."

"Is she alive?"

"We don't know," she answered, truthfully.

That wasn't good enough.

"So, what do we do now?"

The Major exchanged an aggravated look with her. Silence fell between them for a moment before the older man spoke, "We have no way to check if Tahira is alive. Our main focus is to ensure no more attacks come from the First Order for now," he approached Poe, placing a strong hand on his shoulder. "We have lost many in that assault, Poe. We cannot risk sending a squad to that system."

Poe didn't even know where to begin with the unfairness of that comment, although it was to be expected. No one there was going to place the entire resistance at risk because of one person. As much as it pained him, there was not much he could say to change their minds.

The hand on his shoulder slid away, and the Major walked away to another sector, leaving him face to face with General Organa.

"So, we sit here, and do nothing?"

She was shaking her head. "No. I care about her as much as you, but we cannot be reckless."

"If she's alive, _he_ might be the one holding her hostage," Poe said, staring at her.

"Before heading out to find my brother, Rey told me he was left gravely injured," her eyes shook, and Poe expected her to start crying at any moment, but that moment never came. "He might be dead, and even though something inside me tells me he's not, I could be wrong."

"So, we'll just assume _she's_ dead?" Poe inquired.

"If she is still alive, there is a chance they might use her as a bargaining chip," General Organa stated, taking a few steps towards him. "But, that _is_ a slim chance. We all know how they behave when it comes to one of us."

He did know, yes. No life was spared. There was no reason she'd be kept alive.

"I see," Poe said, suddenly feeling the exhaustion of the past several days catch up to him. "Please, inform me if anything changes, General."

"Don't worry, Poe. We'll be quite busy recruiting new pilots and members, but I will not forget her. Not until we know for sure what happened."

She'd gotten very good at controlling her emotions. Over the years, her despair and sadness had been replaced with hope and determination. He couldn't really blame her for feeling this gloomy. Han Solo was dead. Her son might be dead. A girl that she treated as her daughter might be dead. Beneath that tough exterior, stood a woman whose world was slowly crumbling at her feet.

Finn and Rey had brought her some hope in finding Luke Skywalker. Poe could only wish Rey would do that sooner, rather than later.

After being excused from her presence, Jess approached him from the entrance of the communication center. "There's not much we can do but wait."

With a sudden sigh, Poe nodded, but he only did that to prevent any further arguments. BB-8 knew him too well and had noticed something was off. Thankfully, Jess didn't understand Binary, so BB-8's beeps meant nothing to her.

"Well, I think I'm going to rest now," Poe feigned a yawn, gathering a more relieved look from her. "All of this took a toll on me."

"You deserve some rest." Jess's smile widened. "See you later."

Parting their ways, Poe began running towards Hangar 1 where he'd find what he needed. He still had some tricks up his sleeve

BB-8 was constantly harassing him to get an answer, and even threatened to shock him if needed.

"All in due time, my little friend!"

Some pilots were gathering by their X-wings, originating a buzzing noise in the background. There was no doubt the majority weren't feeling particularly pumped up after yesterday's events, but they all had to stick to the schedule. Flight training filled most of their days, so it wasn't hard for Poe to find Ello Asty, a member of the Blue Squad and a close friend of his.

He was an Abednedo, the only one within the Resistance. An interesting species, no doubt. Ello was a faster learner than any human, which made people think he was arrogant and cocky.

He already had his training suit on, when he noticed Poe approaching. "Black Leader! Already up?"

"Didn't even sleep, my friend," Poe grinned at him, patting him on the back. Their callsigns were reserved for in-flight situations, but Ello insisted on addressing him like that. "How are you?"

"Ready to blow the First Order up. You?"

Poe didn't hold back a laugh. "Feeling pretty much the same, buddy."

BB-8 scolded him. The droid knew he had other intentions rather than just holding an innocent conversation.

Ello noticed this. "What's up with it?"

The droid rolled his head in the Abednedo's direction, emitting more beeps. Poe merely waved a hand dismissively. "Possible malfunction. I'll bring it to maintenance later."

A loud shrieking sound echoed in the Hangar as BB-8 called him something _really_ ugly.

Poe shrugged innocently at Ello. "What brings you here, Poe?" He asked, adjusting his suit and putting on his helmet. "Taking the first morning training?"

"No, I actually need to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

Poe kept his smile on. "Don't some bounty hunters owe you a couple of favors?"

"Yes. A lot of favors, actually," he said with a shrug. "Why?"

"Well, I need _you_ to do me a great favor, Ello."

At this point, BB-8 had ceased its inconvenient beeps. It knew exactly what Poe Dameron had in mind.

* * *

" _They're here!"_

 _Tahira grunted as she rolled out of bed, as if she had been whipped. The scene before her slightly blurry eyes was enough to make her heart skip a beat: Her father had a very aggravated look on his face; her seven year-old sister, Jana, shook mildly as their mother tightened her grip on the little girl's shoulders._

 _She had waited for that sentence to be said for a while. Every child in her village knew that this day would eventually come. The day when the First Order demanded younglings to be willingly surrendered to them, so they could train them to become a part of that organization. Even so, many years had passed since Tahira had first heard that warning from her father. Many children had grown into adults, slipping through the First Order's grip._

 _At the age of fourteen, she truthfully thought she would not live to see this day._

" _We must hurry." Her father moved to grab three coats before handing one to her. "The longer you stay here, the more chances they have to get to you."_

 _Her mother, Ahra, made the best effort to remain as calm as possible, but Tahira could see the way her face wrinkled in worry and fear._

" _Jana, Tahira, grab your bags."_

 _Tahira did as she was told, still trying to process what was happening. She almost tripped twice as she paced around their tiny hut, grabbing a few of her belongings and throwing them inside a small bag. Jana, however, seemed too in shock to even be able to pack anything, resulting in their mother hurriedly doing that for her._

 _Her father's voice startled her. "You all remember the plan, right?"_

 _Escape far away from their village in the mountain planet of Jelucan in the Outer Rim Territories;_

 _Find shelter inside a cave;_

 _Obey their mother;_

 _Survive;_

 _Only return when their father assured them it was safe._

 _She nodded, putting on her coat while tying her hair away from her face. That was when her mother saw two tears rolling down her cheek. "Tahira, we'll make it. Nothing will keep us apart."_

 _Those words had little effect on her, but time was running out. Already she could hear some sort of commotion coming from outside their home._

" _Karl, you should come," her mother said in a desperate whisper. "What if they kill you? What if they kill everyone?"_

 _The tall man took their mother's face between his large hands. "My dear Ahra, this is a risk I'm willing to take. I will not be able to live knowing that my two daughters are going to join them."_

 _And, with that, he shared a last kiss on her forehead, before kneeling on the dusty floor, embracing his two daughters. Tahira didn't think of this as a goodbye. They would all see each other again._

 _Her father released her from his grip, pushing them out through the backdoor._

" _Go now. Don't look back!"_

 _She felt her right hand being swept inside her mother's as they started running quickly between several huts. The atmosphere was agonizing. The sound of ship's engines roaring filled her ears, leaving a buzzing sound echoing in her brain. What really made her flinch away in horror were the desperate screams and cries of the villagers. People she had grown with._

 _Tahira looked behind her shoulder as an unknown sound came into the scene. Men in white and black uniforms, with matching masks, had begun firing their weapons at men and women alike._

" _Tahira! You have to run faster!" Her mother screamed loudly, overlapping the deafening sounds around her. "Don't look back!"_

 _Her legs moved as fast as she could, but there was only so much her body could take under these circumstances. There were people running in every direction, and some almost knocked Tahira to the ground as they bumped into her. The shrieks of children filled the air, twisting her furiously-beating heart._

 _Her sister was the first to falter, forcing them to stop and find a place to hide, as they recuperated._

 _An abandoned hut seemed fitting, and her mother shoved them inside. "Whatever happens, don't leave until I come back."_

" _Where are you going, mama?" Jana asked, shaking uncontrollably with fear, refusing to let go of her hand._

" _I saw a gun not far from here. I'm going to get it. I'll be quick."_

 _With time pressing on her, the older woman kissed her children in a rush, and then vanished through the door, shutting it close behind her._

" _T-Tahira?"_

 _Jana had burst into tears, sobbing loudly. They were both sitting in a corner, trying to stay away from prying eyes. In her best effort to control the situation, Tahira held her sister closely. She could feel both their hearts pounding furiously inside their bodies. She wanted her mother back. She wanted this to be over._

 _With each laser shot and scream, Tahira gripped Jana even more tightly as if her body could protect her from all of this. Not long after, she heard a voice drawing closer to where they hid._

 _This sent Jana overboard with fright, and her cries intensified. Tahira had no choice but to clasp a hand over her mouth._

" _Shh, Jana. They'll hear us…"_

 _Hot tears moistened her hand, but her sister's sobs had become less aggravated. The same voice was now closer than ever._

 _A woman's voice with a strong accent was heard, "Sir, we have counted twelve eligible boys and seven eligible girls, though I'm fairly certain there might be more hidden."_

" _Bring those children aboard the shuttles at once. I want the rest of this village searched until every single child is found!"_

" _What about the adults and elders?"_

" _No survivors, Captain Phasma. You know the protocol."_

" _Yes, sir."_

 _With this, Jana began shaking violently against Tahira's body. Several minutes had passed since her mother had left, and she was beginning to accept the painful truth that she might not return at all._

" _I… I w-want… mama…" Tahira made out the words that came out of her sister's mouth in a muffled cry._

 _What could she do? This place would be invaded soon enough, and both of them would be taken away._

 _Her worse thoughts came true as the wooden door was cracked open and two soldiers stepped inside, guns pointed at them._

" _We've got two more girls here, Captain," One informed while the other approached them slowly._

" _We won't hurt you," he told, in a very non convincing way._

 _Jana had surpassed her limits, pushed her hand away from her mouth and began screaming at the top of her lungs, never letting go of her sister._

 _Tahira was in shock. Too much to even mimic her sister's reaction._

 _Her mother was dead. Maybe her father, too._

 _They were all alone, at the mercy of the First Order._

 _When one of them tried to grab Jana, she did the last thing Tahira thought her sister could ever do. She kicked him hard on the knee, earning a grunt of pain._

 _In a split second, Tahira heard a deafening blasting noise coming towards her accompanied by a flash of light._

 _And then… silence._

 _Jana had stopped screaming and squirming._

 _Jana was dead._

 _Tahira was holding her dead sister who now fell limp against her, long beautiful curls hiding her blank face._

" _NO!" she screamed, as tears rolled down her face._

" _You're not supposed to kill one of them!" aA voice screamed. "Phasma will punish us for this!"_

 _Tahira didn't care which one had spoken. In fact, she didn't know how to feel about this. Her heart had skipped several beats by now, and she wondered how long it would take for it to eventually stop._

 _She wanted it to stop, because then she would not feel any pain._

 _Still holding Jana in her arms, more loud noises rang around the hut. Her eyes squeezed shut, expecting to be killed at any moment._

 _But the pain never stopped._

 _Her heart kept on beating against her ribcage, and tears continued to slide down her face._

 _Eventually, she opened her eyes, wondering why they had stopped talking._

 _A very beautiful woman appeared before her eyes, holding a blaster. She seemed older than her mother, yet sharper. She was dressed in a very weird uniform, with her hair pushed into a very complex updo. The woman's eyes were glistening, and Tahira couldn't help but to flinch back, fearing it was a dream._

" _Don't fear me, child. My name is Leia Organa." She smiled kindly, taking a few steps in her direction. Her voice was sweet, almost too sweet to be true._

 _Then Tahira noticed a man standing beside that woman, in a white and orange, baggy uniform and holding a helmet in his hand. There was no smile on his face, however._

" _General, we are outnumbered," the man spoke in a serious tone. "They will have reinforcements in no time. We have to get back to your ship."_

 _The woman, called Leia, ignored his remark, and crouched in front of her. She could still hear exploding sounds coming from outside, but the screaming wasn't as bad._

" _What's your name, little one?"_

" _Tahira."_

 _Tahira saw her reach out to remove the auburn curls from Jana's impassive face. For a while, the woman gently stroked her sister's face as if she was putting her to sleep like her mother had done, so many times before._

" _General…" The man pressed, turning his head to check the movement outside the hut._

 _The woman blinked twice, appearing to have come out of a trance-like state, and stood up, taking Jana into her arms. Tahira offered no resistance. "Poe, take Tahira to my ship." She then vanished out of the door._

 _The tall man nodded, crouching in front of her. What surprised her even more, was how widely he smiled. It was the same smile Tahira would wear on her face whenever her father offered to take her out to get candy._

 _Why was he smiling?_

" _Hello, Tahira. My name is Poe Dameron," he informed, before handing her his helmet. Her eyes met his for a moment, not understanding what he meant with that gesture. "It's yours. Put it on."_

 _She took the cold metal piece between her shaky hands. With his help, she placed the helmet on her head. It was far too large and she had to keep a hand on it so it didn't slid to the side, but she didn't have time to worry about it, as he grabbed her hand, walking her out of there._

" _Don't worry, Tahira. We'll take care of you."_

 _The optimism in his voice was enough to make her heart slow down briefly. His hand clasped hers with such strength, her fear began to evaporate._

 _But, the pain was still there._

 _And it only grew stronger at the sight of dead bodies everywhere._

 _Why didn't the pain stop?_

* * *

It had taken Tahira a long time to turn the pain inside her into something more productive, like combat and medical training. The first weeks after losing her family had been too hard. It was not uncommon for her to have horrid nightmares, only to wake up drenched in sweat and tears. No other child had been rescued that day. Her village in Jelucan had been wiped from existence.

She had been the youngest member of the Resistance ever and, as exclusive as that might have sounded, she was still seen as a child.

A child filled with pain.

Leia Organa had done everything in her power to help her bury that feeling, and she had briefly succeeded when Tahira was ordered to take flight lessons with Poe Dameron and Ello Asty, which she ended up dreading. Being imprisoned in a tiny cockpit, while flipping through the air, didn't present itself as a viable option, and as distracted as she might have been during those lessons, Tahira decided they didn't suit her.

Han Solo was also around for two years before going back to his old ways. Those years had been enough for her to slowly build a wall around herself, keeping the pain at bay. Whether it'd be from his patient hand-to-hand combat lessons or from the constant need he had to ensure she had everything she needed.

He had also been an integral part in her recovery, even when he said: ' _The pain will never actually leave, kid. Just try to busy yourself with other things. It stops hurting for a moment.'_

So, to be looking at the son of that same man, witnessing his attempt at bringing that pain to an extreme level, was ironic to say the least.

The recording playing before her eyes, triggered that old feeling inside her. Crying would not spare her from this, so she decided it'd be best for her to stop and save herself from further humiliation.

It was now crystal clear, to her, that Kylo Ren was cruel. Not that she doubted that before, but this was the ultimate confirmation.

What person would go as far as showing this to her? Only him, surely.

For once, Tahira was relieved to know the recording had no sound, but the visual part of it was enough to make her sick to her stomach. Kylo Ren clearly thought it was in his best interest to show her this, so she could see her village being burned to the ground for a second time.

But, there was something else that had been shown to her this time. Something she dearly wished she'd seen wrong. After all, she was extremely tired, and there was the possibility it had all been a product of her exhausted mind.

The emotional pain eventually mixed with the physical, and she felt her head pounding so heavily that she had no idea how she hadn't fainted from that headache yet.

"Stop it."

"What did you say?" His voice was heard.

" _Stop it!_ "

For a few seconds, his mask turned to gaze at her, even though he said nothing. But much to her astonishment, he then spoke, directing his voice to the woman sitting near him. "File the archive again."

The images that had been playing on the display, suddenly vanished.

"Why did you do this?" Tahira managed to ask, trembling with frustration.

The tall figure laced his hands behind his back. He had enjoyed his trick of terror, no doubt. "More importantly, have you seen what I wanted you to see?"

"And what was that?"

"Your dear rebel friends, shooting innocent children."

Tahira had truly hoped she had not seen things correctly. That _maybe_ it had been the stormtroopers' blasters that had killed the innocent children and that, somehow, the recorded images were faulty. That made much more sense in her head. However, he had just confirmed her worst fear.

"Is that disappointment I feel in you?" His amplified voice made its way into her ears. "I thought you'd said the Resistance never attacked without cause."

She clenched her fists. "And we don't! That was an accident! There is no way any of us would do that."

By now, he had begun circling her like a predator, making her tremble each time he disappeared behind her, only to reappear with the same slow and torturous pacing.

"You are so forgiving to them, yet so quick to judge us," something in his voice had changed. "It doesn't sound very just to me, young rebel."

A few hours ago, she might have rebuffed that statement, but her patience was wearing thin. His mind-games were having an extreme effect on her. She was walking on thin ice now. Kylo Ren wasn't as subtle as he probably thought he was when it came to placing his bait.

Seeing that she remained silent, he resumed his assault, never ceasing his pacing. "You have no idea what foul things the Resistance has done over the years," the tone in his voice remained irritatingly calm, but with a noticeable layer filled with taunt. "What Leia Organa _has_ done."

Tahira felt hot anger tingle down her arms to her fingers. They itched to clamp themselves around a certain person's throat and squeeze until something cracked. Maybe that had something to do with the fact she finally understood his intentions.

"You're trying to turn me against the Resistance?"

It wasn't a question, and he didn't take it as one, but that statement had made him stop in front of her. "You're quite observant."

"And you're quite foolish to believe that archive would change anything," she said bitterly, noticing Hux shifting closer to her from the corner of her eye. "I'm sure there must have been a valid reason for them to have done that."

"Stop parading that tough attitude around me, _girl_ ," He spat, no longer bothering to hide the anger in his voice. "I can sense your disappointment. It's not as strong as your hatred, but I can almost taste it."

She sighed. Exchanging insults and accusations wasn't going to swing in her way. After all, she was in the enemy's lair. "What do you want?"

"You know what I want."

"Rey," Tahira said, shortly.

Her sudden cooperation seemed to have surprised him. "Are you willing to _facilitate_ that for me?"

"You do realize I've never met her, right?"

"You haven't?"

She nodded. "No. I only met Finn. I was sent on the Falcon with him, Chewbacca and…," her voice failed her briefly. "…Han. Rey was captured by you before I got the chance to meet her."

Kylo Ren said nothing. He was merely stood there, gazing at her behind that dreadful mask.

"So, I won't be able to help you convince Rey to go anywhere. She doesn't know me, and wouldn't be stupid enough to trust me, knowing that I'm a First Order prisoner," she informed him, ignoring the strong headache. "Because the only way I could have survived the Starkiller Base destruction was to have been captured by someone either from the Resistance or the First Order, so…," she let the implication dangle. He was smart enough to figure where she was going with that statement.

"Who said anything about bringing her anywhere?" He asked, taking two steps towards her. "No. My objective is far less complex than that."

Tahira couldn't think of anything clever to say.

"What I want _you_ to do, Tahira, is to return to D'Qar and act as our spy," Kylo Ren said.

Her mouth dropped open. It was safe to assume the ice on which she had been treading was cracked, exposing the horrors beneath. Kylo Ren was no longer toying with her. His chasing phase had come to an end, promptly followed by the stage in which he exposed his trap to her.

He then resumed his pacing around her, making her flinch heavily and cringe away from his closeness. "I won't do it. _I'd rather die_."

"Yes, you've said that before. There's no need to repeat yourself," he mocked her. "You will do it, yes. Have no doubt."

Tahira slid him a venomous look. "Your tactic to turn me against the Resistance failed."

"Yes, sadly. It would have spared me further efforts," Kylo Ren agreed, feigning annoyance. "It seems that other measures must be taken."

By 'measures' did he mean… "Mind-controlling me? Is that what you'll do?"

She saw his hand reach out to grasp her chin, and even though she stepped backwards, Tahira was still caught in his grip. His gloved fingers pressed tightly on her skin, making jabs of pain gather around that area. "That would be _too_ much effort, Tahira."

Now she was lost. Then what did he really mean? What other measures were left for him to explore?

Realizing how faintly she was now trembling under his touch, he spoke again, "I will turn your emotions against you."

" _What?_ "

A low chuckle was heard. "Do you know what ultimately disgraces us as humans? Our emotions. Our feelings. Do you want to know how I know you'll obey my command?" Tahira tried to jerk her chin from his grasp, but it was all to no avail as his other hand came to the back of her neck, forcing her to stare at the blackness his mask offered. "Because you won't risk the lives of everyone on D'Qar for this."

Her eyes widened, partially due to the realization that he wasn't entirely wrong. Something else stirred inside her. "And how am I supposed to appear in D'Qar all of a sudden? The Resistance isn't _stupid_."

He nodded. "That's debatable, but the point is that you'll not be dropped in D'Qar." At her raised brow, he continued. "We'll make you a war hero: against all odds, Tahira managed to escape our grasp with the help of some friends."

"Friends?" She asked, fighting the urge to kick him away from her.

The hand on her chin moved to point at something to her right. "General Hux, will you do the courtesy of telling us of the latest news of the Resistance?"

Tahira turned to see the man approach them with his distinctive smug grin. It made her want to strangle him with her bare hands. Kylo Ren finally released his grip on the back of her head at once, stepping slightly away from her.

Hux cleared his throat. "It appears one of our most trusted bounty hunters knows, for a fact, that a certain Resistance pilot is charging favors in order to get into our system unnoticed. One pilot isn't much of a threat to us as you realize," he said, widening his smile. "The information we have is that he wants to know if there is a certain prisoner on board."

She strived to look calm and controlled, with an adequate amount of revulsion that would be fitting for someone who'd just heard something like that.

Inwardly, she felt nothing but frustration. She knew exactly who that pilot was.

"Your friend, Poe Dameron, just doesn't know how to avoid trouble, does he?" Kylo Ren spoke, with a mocking tone. "He's as persistent as he is reckless"

"Don't harm him!" Tahira finally found the strength to speak, her voice tainted with despair.

" _Harm him?_ " The masked man inquired, making Hux let out a vicious chuckle. "You missed the point entirely, Tahira. I'll be _kind_ enough to let him rescue you."

Hux spoke next. "You'll carry a tracking device with you, as well as a comlink to allow communications."

"Why should I do this? It's not as if the First Order has another Starkiller Base ready to blow up D'Qar," Tahira tried to be reasonable, exposing their plan's obvious flaws.

Kylo Ren shortened the distance between them yet again. "You are right. But the First Order has me, and I'm an excellent asset."

"So you'll wipe out the Resistance on your own?" Tahira found herself taking a turn in mocking him. At this point, she couldn't care less if he was offended by her words.

Hux's nostrils flared, but he said nothing. The other man merely bent slightly to eye-level with her. "Don't push your luck, _rebel_. Your failure to go through with this plan will result in something far worse than you can imagine."

He could be bluffing. The First Order was currently weak. They didn't have the firepower to attempt an assault on D'Qar.

Kylo Ren returned to his previous pose. "Believe me when I say that Leia Organa is an easier target than you think."

Her expression must have spelled horror, because he only cocked his head to the side and said, "Some people will go to extreme lengths to protect the ones they care about. See this as a way to redeem yourself from not being able to save your _sister_."

Tahira impulsively lunged towards him, ignoring the obvious consequences. Both her arms were caught in Kylo Ren's hands, and she felt Hux's blaster glued to her temple. "What do you know about going to extreme lengths to protect those you care about? Is that what you did to your family? Your friends? _You know nothing about losing those you love!"_

Unfortunately, Tahira was far too exhausted to stop him from gripping her forearms with excruciating pain. His dangerously masked face closed in on her own. It was utterly hard to feel anything but hatred towards a man that preferred to hide himself like a coward. " _You_ assume too much, Tahira. Too much," he said in a low voice, dripping with poison.

* * *

 _ **Next chapter: A Test of Courage**_

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **I've seen the movie three times now, and I'm positive there is a female stormtrooper (a reviewer said it was Captain Phasma, but it wasn't) that communicated something to Kylo Ren (can't remember what exactly, but it was when he was looking for Han, Chewie, Rey and Finn inside the base). So that is why I don't think only boys were taken from their families.**

 **Also, I'll most likely update once or twice a week. I wish I could update more often, but these chapters take me some time to write :p This chapter was revised by Random Riter11 since my beta, SpyderByte, is undergoing surgery.**

 **Getting to 200 reviews, 300 favs and almost 600 follows is more than I could have hoped for. You people are more important to me than you realize. Thank you for making my days so great. Unlike some people, I don't mind asking for feedback (be it reviews, follow, favs or PM's). So, I really need to know I'm walking on steady ground to move on without doubting myself. Don't be afraid to criticize (as long as you're not rude) or leave a word or two. It will jelp a lot. Thank you!**


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